Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Right Feeling, Wrong Reason

Okay, I admit it! I don't mind being back at work. Since last week was my first week back, everyone kept asking me how I was doing. I felt guilty admitting that I was fine. Of course I called day care twice a day to check on Dee and of course I drove like a mad woman on a mission when it was time to pick the girls up, but, really, I don't feel an immense guilt that my children - and especially my three-month-old - is in day care.

I am good at my job. I like the people I work with. I like feeling a sense of accomplishment when I complete tasks or contribute a thoughtful comment during a meeting. I know that my children are well taken care of. Dee drinks larger quantities and less frequently from a bottle at day care than at home; LP pees on the potty like a champ. And I have Fridays and Mondays with Dee.

What I missed most last week was having time to take care of things. There was no leisurely dinner prep during nap time, or laundry loads on quick trips to the basement. Errands could not be run with children in tow, instead waiting to be efficiently bundled into uber-runs during the weekend (still with children in tow).

I feel guilty for not feeling guilty.


Anonymous said...

No guilt about lack of guilt, please, Mama. We've all got to do what we've got to do.

The sense of accomplishment which is born of your work will make you a better mom all around.

Hang in there.

A's Mom said...

Oh the joys of motherhood. To feel or not to feel guilt. That is the question. :)

Stephanie said...

That was my thought, too, when Freddy was a baby and I went back to work after a short maternity leave. Darned if we do, and darned if we don't, aren't we?

I'm glad you find fulfillment in your work. I certainly do in mine, as well. It gets easier to find balance as they get older, for sure, but the struggle between motherhood and work will always be there.

No guilt for no guilt, I say. Give them both the best you have and both will reward you in many, many ways.

KiKi said...

You should feel guilty about feeling guilty. How about them apples?