Okay, I admit it! I don't mind being back at work. Since last week was my first week back, everyone kept asking me how I was doing. I felt guilty admitting that I was fine. Of course I called day care twice a day to check on Dee and of course I drove like a mad woman on a mission when it was time to pick the girls up, but, really, I don't feel an immense guilt that my children - and especially my three-month-old - is in day care.
I am good at my job. I like the people I work with. I like feeling a sense of accomplishment when I complete tasks or contribute a thoughtful comment during a meeting. I know that my children are well taken care of. Dee drinks larger quantities and less frequently from a bottle at day care than at home; LP pees on the potty like a champ. And I have Fridays and Mondays with Dee.
What I missed most last week was having time to take care of things. There was no leisurely dinner prep during nap time, or laundry loads on quick trips to the basement. Errands could not be run with children in tow, instead waiting to be efficiently bundled into uber-runs during the weekend (still with children in tow).
I feel guilty for not feeling guilty.
Showing posts with label guilt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label guilt. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Because it Grows on Trees
So the Hoos and I gave into the media hype/overwhelming research/guilt and decided to purchase BPA-free bottles for Bun. This will mean tossing all of the Avent bottles that I accumulated during LP's infanthood and replacing them. I remember thinking when we bought the Avent bottles"Damn! these suckers are expensive! And a pain in the ass to clean! I sure am glad that I breast feed most of the time."
How naive I was two years ago. I had no idea what really expensive bottles were. The BPA free bottles from the most oft-quoted sources - Born Free and Green to Grow - are RIDICULOUSLY expensive. Like almost $10 a bottle. Fortunately, I am a bargain hunter and I discovered that Nuby bottles are also BPA free. And at Babies R Us they are $7.50 for a three pack. Praise the Lord! Sure, I had to buy some regular nipples because reviews say that the Nuby nipple may be difficult for newborns, but still the cost comparison isn't even close. I paid less for 6 nipples and 6 bottles than for three fancy-schmancy BPA-free bottles.
Of course it isn't really about the money. Although it is frustrating that in order to ensure the health of my kids I need to throw out countless bottles and sippy cups that I was hoping to reuse. It doesn't seem very environmentally friendly to continually replace with a "better product". I want my kids to be healthy and happy and I don't want to put them at undue risk, but I can't help but wonder if I am overreacting. Is all of this BPA media attention warranted?
As an FYI - Nuby sippy cups are also BPA free, which is fantastic, because I recently transitioned LP to Nuby sippies and I have no desire to buy yet another round of cups for her. The real reason for the transition was that the Gerber Grip cups started to leak and the Nuby's seem to hold it together better, but it does work out well that I have someone managed to be prescient and bought her "healthier" cups.
How naive I was two years ago. I had no idea what really expensive bottles were. The BPA free bottles from the most oft-quoted sources - Born Free and Green to Grow - are RIDICULOUSLY expensive. Like almost $10 a bottle. Fortunately, I am a bargain hunter and I discovered that Nuby bottles are also BPA free. And at Babies R Us they are $7.50 for a three pack. Praise the Lord! Sure, I had to buy some regular nipples because reviews say that the Nuby nipple may be difficult for newborns, but still the cost comparison isn't even close. I paid less for 6 nipples and 6 bottles than for three fancy-schmancy BPA-free bottles.
Of course it isn't really about the money. Although it is frustrating that in order to ensure the health of my kids I need to throw out countless bottles and sippy cups that I was hoping to reuse. It doesn't seem very environmentally friendly to continually replace with a "better product". I want my kids to be healthy and happy and I don't want to put them at undue risk, but I can't help but wonder if I am overreacting. Is all of this BPA media attention warranted?
As an FYI - Nuby sippy cups are also BPA free, which is fantastic, because I recently transitioned LP to Nuby sippies and I have no desire to buy yet another round of cups for her. The real reason for the transition was that the Gerber Grip cups started to leak and the Nuby's seem to hold it together better, but it does work out well that I have someone managed to be prescient and bought her "healthier" cups.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Moving Forward and Keeping Everyone Happy
As Bun's arrival grows closer, so begins the transition process for LP. She is 22 months old, so I am not really sure that she understands what it means that she is going to become a big sister. Yes, we have read books; and yes, she talks to and hugs and kisses my belly; and yes, she certainly does love babies. But all of this does not really add up to a full appreciation of what impact a new baby will have on her life.
I have written previously about my desire to get LP into a bed before Bun arrives. I am not sure that is going to happen. The Hoos and I are still discussing how and if to go about doing that. One of my friends asked of we are "talking up how exciting a BIG GIRL BED is going to be." We haven't really made an effort to do this, because, to be honest, I don't think LP understands what a BIG GIRL BED is. The "experts" say you are supposed to involve the child in selecting a bed and make them feel a part of the process. If you count running through the bed department of IKEA at a high rate of speed while giggling helping pick out a bed, than LP has been involved (although we still haven't actually purchased a bed). Maybe it is just me, but I would think that she would need to comprehend what we are talking about before we do the old bait and switch and position a twin bed in her bedroom.
Another big change is the LP is going to start going to day care full time. Right now I pay for her to attend full-time (don't ask), but she only goes regularly Tuesday-Thursday. When I have a work commitment or a doctor's appointment she goes on Mondays and Fridays as needed, but I usually feel crazy guilty and end up picking her up early. For the past 22 months, Mondays and Fridays are our time to bond, bake, run errands, and play. LP's nap time is the perfect length to allow me to get work done and the rest of the day is usually a great time for both of us.
However, I know that during my maternity leave it will make my life much easier to only focus on one child. I realize that this is not viable for every family and I am very fortunate that we can continue to send LP to day care while I am only getting partial salary, but since we do have that option, I am pretty sure I want to take advantage of it. I think LP will have more fun at school than she will home with me. They have gym and go outside and no one has a baby stuck to their chest inhibiting their movement. To ease this process for LP, and to ensure that she doesn't blame her new sibling, we intend to start sending her full-time some time soon. But we just don't know when. I don't want to do it any sooner than I have to, but it is getting more difficult for me to pick LP up and at this point she can pretty much outrun me (note to self: pregnant women do not look good running, plus it makes people nervous).
LP is a wonderful child. She is happy, she is healthy, she is smart, and she is becoming really verbal. I am confident that she will be a fabulous big sister. But I know we haven't even begun to see the inevitable bumps in the road to siblinghood.
I have written previously about my desire to get LP into a bed before Bun arrives. I am not sure that is going to happen. The Hoos and I are still discussing how and if to go about doing that. One of my friends asked of we are "talking up how exciting a BIG GIRL BED is going to be." We haven't really made an effort to do this, because, to be honest, I don't think LP understands what a BIG GIRL BED is. The "experts" say you are supposed to involve the child in selecting a bed and make them feel a part of the process. If you count running through the bed department of IKEA at a high rate of speed while giggling helping pick out a bed, than LP has been involved (although we still haven't actually purchased a bed). Maybe it is just me, but I would think that she would need to comprehend what we are talking about before we do the old bait and switch and position a twin bed in her bedroom.
Another big change is the LP is going to start going to day care full time. Right now I pay for her to attend full-time (don't ask), but she only goes regularly Tuesday-Thursday. When I have a work commitment or a doctor's appointment she goes on Mondays and Fridays as needed, but I usually feel crazy guilty and end up picking her up early. For the past 22 months, Mondays and Fridays are our time to bond, bake, run errands, and play. LP's nap time is the perfect length to allow me to get work done and the rest of the day is usually a great time for both of us.
However, I know that during my maternity leave it will make my life much easier to only focus on one child. I realize that this is not viable for every family and I am very fortunate that we can continue to send LP to day care while I am only getting partial salary, but since we do have that option, I am pretty sure I want to take advantage of it. I think LP will have more fun at school than she will home with me. They have gym and go outside and no one has a baby stuck to their chest inhibiting their movement. To ease this process for LP, and to ensure that she doesn't blame her new sibling, we intend to start sending her full-time some time soon. But we just don't know when. I don't want to do it any sooner than I have to, but it is getting more difficult for me to pick LP up and at this point she can pretty much outrun me (note to self: pregnant women do not look good running, plus it makes people nervous).
LP is a wonderful child. She is happy, she is healthy, she is smart, and she is becoming really verbal. I am confident that she will be a fabulous big sister. But I know we haven't even begun to see the inevitable bumps in the road to siblinghood.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
My Mouth, My Foot: Fast Friends
I have blogged before about how I am a dweller, mentally beating myself up for things that I could have done or said differently. The same post discusses how I am overly empathetic, feeling such empathy or embarrassment for characters in works of fiction that I have to turn away. Yet, despite these acknowledgements, I continue to suffer from foot-in-mouth disease.
A few weeks ago a mom I know that recently miscarried late in her pregnancy approached me with a container of formula, asking me if I wanted it. She caught me off guard, I was in the middle of a conversation, and I must have given her an odd look as I shook my head and said, "No, thanks," thinking to myself that I intend to nurse Bun and really had no need for it at this point. A few seconds after she hurriedly left the room it occurred to me how much more compassionate I could have been. She was just trying to get the free samples that randomly show up in the mail out of her house. I should have just taken the freaking container and chucked it if I didn't want it. Doh! What a crappy person I am. To be honest, I was so thrown off that I didn't even connect all of the dots when she initially asked.
Later in the evening I gave her a call to apologize. I really felt just awful. She was embarrassed, thinking I thought she was offering me the formula for LP, who has obviously outgrown the stuff. I mean, really, how was she supposed to know that I try to exclusively breastfeed. I felt better after talking with her, but I still can't get the episode out of my mind.
I have also blogged about my complete awe of stay-at-home moms. Seriously, these women amaze me. There are dozens of reasons that I couldn't/wouldn't be a full-time stay at home mom and I hold women that take on this charge in the highest regard. Unfortunately, when I encounter one, like this past weekend when we ran into a colleague of the Hoos' and his family, I tend to say something stupid. Instead of saying, "I commend you, I know it is really hard work." I said something like, "I don't know how you do it, I would go crazy." I really don't intend for this to sound derogatory or condescending. In the moment, in my cluttered, sleep-deprived head, they sound identical, but of course, they aren't.
I know that in general it would be smarter to be more thoughtful and contemplative when caught off guard. I should take the time to think about a situation and collect my thoughts before responding. Maybe that will be my "new month resolution".
A few weeks ago a mom I know that recently miscarried late in her pregnancy approached me with a container of formula, asking me if I wanted it. She caught me off guard, I was in the middle of a conversation, and I must have given her an odd look as I shook my head and said, "No, thanks," thinking to myself that I intend to nurse Bun and really had no need for it at this point. A few seconds after she hurriedly left the room it occurred to me how much more compassionate I could have been. She was just trying to get the free samples that randomly show up in the mail out of her house. I should have just taken the freaking container and chucked it if I didn't want it. Doh! What a crappy person I am. To be honest, I was so thrown off that I didn't even connect all of the dots when she initially asked.
Later in the evening I gave her a call to apologize. I really felt just awful. She was embarrassed, thinking I thought she was offering me the formula for LP, who has obviously outgrown the stuff. I mean, really, how was she supposed to know that I try to exclusively breastfeed. I felt better after talking with her, but I still can't get the episode out of my mind.
I have also blogged about my complete awe of stay-at-home moms. Seriously, these women amaze me. There are dozens of reasons that I couldn't/wouldn't be a full-time stay at home mom and I hold women that take on this charge in the highest regard. Unfortunately, when I encounter one, like this past weekend when we ran into a colleague of the Hoos' and his family, I tend to say something stupid. Instead of saying, "I commend you, I know it is really hard work." I said something like, "I don't know how you do it, I would go crazy." I really don't intend for this to sound derogatory or condescending. In the moment, in my cluttered, sleep-deprived head, they sound identical, but of course, they aren't.
I know that in general it would be smarter to be more thoughtful and contemplative when caught off guard. I should take the time to think about a situation and collect my thoughts before responding. Maybe that will be my "new month resolution".
Monday, February 25, 2008
The Art of Guilt
Laying on the guilt is instinctual. I know this because my almost-21-month-old daughter has become an expert. Out of nowhere she will start repeating "I sowy, I sowy" for no apparent reason. We can be driving in the car and the refrain will start coming out of the back seat, or we will be playing in the living room and she will look up at me an say it ever so sweetly.
It kills me. I am concerned that if someone overhears her saying this without provocation they will think I am inflicting some kind of psychological abuse on my baby girl that makes her apologize ALL THE TIME.
Sometimes she does use it instead of "excuse me" and I am pretty sure I taught this to her. Don't we all apologize when we are scootching past someone in the grocery store or similar situation? Why is that? Should I be sorry that I have to ask you to move because you decided to set up shop with your cell phone in the middle of the aisle?
Oddly enough, she doesn't say it as often when it is warranted. Like when she bites or hits Mommy and Daddy. When does discipline start working anyway?
It kills me. I am concerned that if someone overhears her saying this without provocation they will think I am inflicting some kind of psychological abuse on my baby girl that makes her apologize ALL THE TIME.
Sometimes she does use it instead of "excuse me" and I am pretty sure I taught this to her. Don't we all apologize when we are scootching past someone in the grocery store or similar situation? Why is that? Should I be sorry that I have to ask you to move because you decided to set up shop with your cell phone in the middle of the aisle?
Oddly enough, she doesn't say it as often when it is warranted. Like when she bites or hits Mommy and Daddy. When does discipline start working anyway?
Friday, January 4, 2008
Oh What a Night!
You know how some days might just be better spent in your PJs in bed? What happens when the urge to hibernate hits at 5:30pm?
When LP and I returned home from a long day of work and school, I notice that our garbage cans are half way up the street and rolling. And I only see one cover - we have two cans. Lovely. I guess the garbage men did not appreciate being tipped in Dunkin Donuts gift cards. Sure I only gave them 2, $5 gift cards, but I thought maybe I was the exception tipping them at all.
When we came inside LP insisted on "Cheeries!" so I gave her a sandwich bag with a few handfuls of Cheerios. Which she promptly dumped on the floor. As I picked them up she rubbed my back saying "Peeeeas". She gets "please" and "thank you" mixed up, but I appreciate that her sarcastic side is developing.
Then, glutton for punishment that I am, I turn on the computer to check my work email. I have three messages from coworkers complaining about how I canceled a service.
Some background: I manage a vendor relationship for an online enewsletter service. This year the price tripled because apparently our "introductory offer" expired (sound like the cable company?). So, I looked at usage data provided by the vendor and decided to eliminate two of the four subscriptions that got the least amount of use in order to keep the pricing at the same level.
Apparently the sales rep decided to email all 60 of the folks he had in his database as signed up for subscriptions WITHOUT COPYING ME:
Loyal Readers,
We have had several recent inquiries about the inability to access to [two] publications. The reason for this is that [your firm] opted not to continue the service to these two publications. We are willing to add these service to your existing license at a discounted rate, i.e., for the cost of two readers all can have access. Please contact AmyBow at [email] about the possibility of adding these publications to your existing service.
Thanks for your interest in our publications.
To me, he makes it sound like we completely canceled the service; instead of reminding people of the functions we do have and their capabilities, he sort of ignores that they exist. In addition, 10 of the people on his list no longer work at the firm and at least another 10 people are still on vacation because I got bounce backs and out of office replies. So, the likelihood of any of these people complaining about the loss of service - that only started on Jan 1 - is pretty slim. Pretty much, he was trying to wreak havoc and create demand for his product. AAARRGGGHHH.
Okay, deep breaths. I will not cause anyone injury. I will let my daughter rub my back whenever she wants and I will enjoy today - a day with LP at day care and mommy working from home and running errands. A rare treat about which I refuse to feel guilty. After last night, I deserve this.
When LP and I returned home from a long day of work and school, I notice that our garbage cans are half way up the street and rolling. And I only see one cover - we have two cans. Lovely. I guess the garbage men did not appreciate being tipped in Dunkin Donuts gift cards. Sure I only gave them 2, $5 gift cards, but I thought maybe I was the exception tipping them at all.
When we came inside LP insisted on "Cheeries!" so I gave her a sandwich bag with a few handfuls of Cheerios. Which she promptly dumped on the floor. As I picked them up she rubbed my back saying "Peeeeas". She gets "please" and "thank you" mixed up, but I appreciate that her sarcastic side is developing.
Then, glutton for punishment that I am, I turn on the computer to check my work email. I have three messages from coworkers complaining about how I canceled a service.
Some background: I manage a vendor relationship for an online enewsletter service. This year the price tripled because apparently our "introductory offer" expired (sound like the cable company?). So, I looked at usage data provided by the vendor and decided to eliminate two of the four subscriptions that got the least amount of use in order to keep the pricing at the same level.
Apparently the sales rep decided to email all 60 of the folks he had in his database as signed up for subscriptions WITHOUT COPYING ME:
Loyal Readers,
We have had several recent inquiries about the inability to access to [two] publications. The reason for this is that [your firm] opted not to continue the service to these two publications. We are willing to add these service to your existing license at a discounted rate, i.e., for the cost of two readers all can have access. Please contact AmyBow at [email] about the possibility of adding these publications to your existing service.
Thanks for your interest in our publications.
To me, he makes it sound like we completely canceled the service; instead of reminding people of the functions we do have and their capabilities, he sort of ignores that they exist. In addition, 10 of the people on his list no longer work at the firm and at least another 10 people are still on vacation because I got bounce backs and out of office replies. So, the likelihood of any of these people complaining about the loss of service - that only started on Jan 1 - is pretty slim. Pretty much, he was trying to wreak havoc and create demand for his product. AAARRGGGHHH.
Okay, deep breaths. I will not cause anyone injury. I will let my daughter rub my back whenever she wants and I will enjoy today - a day with LP at day care and mommy working from home and running errands. A rare treat about which I refuse to feel guilty. After last night, I deserve this.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Cue the Crickets
This morning I did something new. I dropped LP off at day care and came home to do work. Once before I brought her to day care and went into the office, and several times before the Hoos has dropped her off on a Monday or Friday when I would typically be home with her; but this is the first time in a long time that I have actually been alone in my house on a Monday or Friday. It feels weird. I feel guilty.
I have mentally rationalized the decision to bring her in: 1). She was home with us last Thursday, a typical school day; 2). I plan on picking her up before 3, so she will only be at school five hours or so today; 3). I have conference calls from 11-12 and 12-1:30, it wouldn't be fair to her to have me distracted for 2.5 hours when she thinks we should be playing; and finally 4). The Hoos came up with this one - yeah, it sucks for her to have to spend the day hanging out with her friends and playing.
However, on a less than rational level I feel guilty. To compensate for this I have tried to fill every minute of my day so I am not "wasting" my time away from LP:
9am - Drop off LP
9:15 - Go to Stew's to buy milk
9:30 - Eat breakfast and check email
10 - Return dressy shoes I bought LP that she won't wear enough to justify the cost. Besides, I found them cheaper online.
10:15 - Return books to the library
10:45 - Prepare for conference calls
11am - 1:30pm - Conference Calls
1:30 - Eat lunch and get ready for class
2:00 - Prep LP and Daddy's dinner
2:30 - Pick up LP
Am I nuts? Or is this a genius move that will convince me to bring LP to day care and work from home every Monday?
I have mentally rationalized the decision to bring her in: 1). She was home with us last Thursday, a typical school day; 2). I plan on picking her up before 3, so she will only be at school five hours or so today; 3). I have conference calls from 11-12 and 12-1:30, it wouldn't be fair to her to have me distracted for 2.5 hours when she thinks we should be playing; and finally 4). The Hoos came up with this one - yeah, it sucks for her to have to spend the day hanging out with her friends and playing.
However, on a less than rational level I feel guilty. To compensate for this I have tried to fill every minute of my day so I am not "wasting" my time away from LP:
9am - Drop off LP
9:15 - Go to Stew's to buy milk
9:30 - Eat breakfast and check email
10 - Return dressy shoes I bought LP that she won't wear enough to justify the cost. Besides, I found them cheaper online.
10:15 - Return books to the library
10:45 - Prepare for conference calls
11am - 1:30pm - Conference Calls
1:30 - Eat lunch and get ready for class
2:00 - Prep LP and Daddy's dinner
2:30 - Pick up LP
Am I nuts? Or is this a genius move that will convince me to bring LP to day care and work from home every Monday?
Monday, March 26, 2007
A Resolution
During the two or so months I have been blogging (both reading other blogs and writing my own) I have noticed much discussion about the guilt surrounding being a working mom. As of right now I resolve to stop writing about feeling guilty for working. This should be easy enough because I have determined that the majority of my guilt does not stem from working.
I feel the most guilty for being a person with my own needs. Ninety-nine percent of the time LP's well-being comes above my own. This is apparent when I go an entire day without peeing; or when you consider that I still wear a hideous nursing bra on days when I am not in the office or change into one immediately after getting home from work; or when you can't help but notice that LP's wardrobe is much more attractive and extensive than my own.
Yesterday, in an attempt to remedy some of the wardrobe issue, I left the Hoos and LP in the car while I ran into a Talbot's outlet. I love to get a bargain and when in the right mood I can spend at least an hour going through sales racks. I spent a grand total of 15 minutes inside this huge store. When I got out, LP was upset and the Hoos was ready to get going.
As I strapped a crying LP into her car seat, I kept telling her: "I'm sorry mommy was selfish and wanted to get some new clothes. I should have considered that you would rather be anywhere than sitting in the car on a nice day and done my shopping at a different time." I spent the car ride back home sitting in the back seat playing with LP. At least I got two shirts and a new skirt.
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