When you are a little kid and you make friends, it is mostly by proximity - your neighbor, the kids in your class, kids involved in activities your parents sign you up for, kids of your parents' friends...
Yet as you grow and evolve, friendship becomes infinitely more complicated.
You get in a relationship. While existing friends get grandfathered in, forming news requires a complex new dance. You want to find people that like your spouse, and that your spouse can at least tolerate but preferably genuinely enjoy. Adding to the crazy is that you are likely finding friends in a couple. So, instead of just two people getting along, you have four different personalities coming together.
I think the Hoos and I complement each other very well. We have strengths that bring out the best in one another (most of the time). I am the more outgoing, and the one more likely to stick her foot in her mouth. Until you get to know him, he is the more reserved, and the one more likely to think before speaking. I have a stellar memory, which makes me ideal for attending his work events, tutoring him before we arrive on the names of his colleagues' spouses and children.
However, there are times when we need to sell each other to and on prospective friends. Some of this is likely a gender thing. Other than poker night, sporting events and my friend MLH's husband, it isn't often that guys just get together to go out for dinner. In college, the Hoos and his buddies would invite me out for ice cream so that they wouldn't look less than manly (I know, I don't get it either).
Kids are the cherries on the friendship sundae quagmire. Now instead of four people needing to get along, eight people have to make nice. And as much as can try to manage my children, sometimes they aren't on their most stellar behavior. LP just might be the one teaching bad words to her friends (although I hope not!). And AK DOES NOT STOP MOVING, inspiring for some, exhausting for others.
Being hermits and keeping to ourselves just isn't an option. Fortunately we have found some really nice friends, with whom we have lots in common. Now we just have to coordinate our schedules, and those of our kids, to actually spend time together. Oh, and restaurants or other venues big enough to accommodate us...
1 comment:
Great post. It is a complicated dance, one I haven't quite figured out yet. It's tough, and rare, that all personalities line up...especially when there are some clear differences (which may compliment but also make social interaction tricky). I'm in the same boat so really enjoyed this one:).
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