Year One in Review: The Bad

No, motherhood is not all good. But the good stuff far outweighs the bad. However, there are definitely a few things that I wish someone had warned me about.

• Explosive Poop. Lots of people talk about how little boys pee when you take off their diaper. I can't confirm this, but what I can pass on is that newborns poop when you change their diaper. Newborn poop is very liquidy and akin to mustard in color and staining capabilities. For the first few weeks I can pretty much guarantee you will get squirted at least once. And somehow your little bugger will have the timing down so that in the split second between removing the old diaper and getting the new diaper into place, they will let it fly. Lap pads are very handy for protecting your changing pad cover. They are less expensive and easier to clean. Trust me.
• Nursing Hurts. I had no idea that the first six weeks of nursing were so painful. I knew that lots of women and babies find it difficult to get the latch right and give up, but I am guessing that lots of people give up because of the pain. You definitely feel the first latch right down to your toes until your girls get used to the sensation. It doesn't help that your nipples get dry and crusty from constantly being wet. The baby doesn't care, she just wants to eat. I recommend enforcing a "don't talk to me when the baby is trying to latch" rule so that you don't bite your husband's head off.
• Time is Limited. The whole "nap when the baby naps" thing is such a crock. Your baby might sleep for 15 minutes or two hours - you have no idea. So, if you decide to do something else for 15 minutes - like say, pee or eat for the first time all day (never mind that it is 2pm) - you may have lost your chance to nap. And since you are never sure if the baby will stay sleeping, you don't really want to fall asleep because waking up after a 5 minute nap just leaves you with a headache. Me, when my option was sleep or eat, I chose to eat.
• Daytime Television Sucks. For the first six weeks or so of your baby's life, you are supposed to keep the little muffin out of the sun (especially between 10 and 2) and away from crowds. I took this guidance from my pediatrician very seriously. You can choose to do whatever you want. For me, this meant I was pretty much in the house alone with LP for long periods of time. I don't watch soap operas and there is only so much Dr. Phil, Oprah, Ellen, Rachael Ray, Martha, Regis and Kelly, etc. that one can take. Invest in television show DVDs so you can watch one half hour or hour long episode at a time. I recommend Dead Like Me.

In retrospect these are all minor inconveniences that don't even come close to overshadowing the wonderful and wacky nature of motherhood. And actually, other than the excruciating latch pain, you can probably laugh your way through most of these (thanks to the delirium).