My Big Girl

I haven't mentioned how much of a super star LP has been lately. Despite all of the changes with the addition of her new little sister, she continues to be amazingly awesome.

The Saturday before Dee's arrival the Hoos rearranged all of the furniture in the upstairs of our house, moving a twin bed into LP's room (and attaching a serious bed rail) and the crib into the nursery. Since then LP has been sleeping in the bed with no problems. Some nights it takes her longer to fall asleep then we would like, but in general she stays in the bed and sleeps like an angel. Her new bed time routine includes multiple renditions of "Twinkle Star".

She also sings Twinkle Star and "Sunshine" (You are My Sunshine) to Dee when she is sleeping.

Another concern we had before Dee arrived was that LP would not want to leave the house in the morning knowing that Dee and I would be staying home. Not the case. She makes sure to give both of us kisses goodbye and then tells us that she is going to school. Even yesterday when the Hoos was taking her to day care and my parents were in the house she didn't give us any grief about leaving. Wow.

I know all of this can change in a heartbeat, but I am encouraged by LP's adaptability and count my lucky stars for her each and every day. This mom gig is by far the best, most rewarding and wonderful job ever. I couldn't recommend it enough.

Taking the Plunge

Okay, we did it, we entered the 21st century and ordered DVR service from our cable company. The box should arrive in 3-5 days and then away we go.

The impetus was really that the Hoos got into a new show, Chuck, on Monday night and had to miss the ending to bathe LP. The same thing happened to me last night with Pushing Daisies. In addition, a few months ago I ordered the "SportsPak" of channels, specifically so that the Hoos could watch some of his fishing shows. Unfortunately for him, the timing is never right and he misses more shows than he catches (no pun intended).

This was not a decision that we came to lightly. Both the Hoos and I wanted to be convinced that having the DVR would not have us watching MORE TV, but rather we would watch BETTER TV. We don't want to be slaves to our boob tube.

The hope is that instead of watching whatever crappy show happens to be on when we want to relax on the couch, we will now be able to watch shows that we are actually interested in. No more P. Allen Smith (a gardening show the Hoos loves and I despise), no more staying up until 11 to see the conclusion on Lost, and no more of missing the end of shows that happen to fall during LP's bath time (anything on from 8-9).

I did confirm that we can cancel at any time, just in case we find ourselves becoming lumpy...

Reflection

Today was the first day of Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year. It officially started at sundown last night, but today was the first of two days that we go to synagogue to "celebrate."

Last year, LP was only a few months old when the holiday rolled around. She was immobile and relatively quiet so the the Hoos and I were able to stay in the sanctuary for the majority of the service. This year LP is an active, happy little girl; and despite the fact that she doesn't have many words, she certainly has sounds. Shortly after settling in to the way back of the sanctuary and opening our mahzor (special prayer books for Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur), LP started to make her presence known. The Hoos quickly scooped her up and carried her out to the hallway. I stayed for another half hour or so before discretely making my way out as well.

Because we were not able to observe the entire service, I am determined to reflect on the holiday's meaning on my own. In all honesty, that is what I typically do anyway. Sure, I follow the service, but as with most things, it is important to connect it back to you, your life, and your experiences to make the recitations tangible.

In some respects Rosh Hashana is pretty similar to the secular New Year, a time to consider the events and your actions of the previous year and make resolutions for the future. Looking back over the past year I keep coming to a single conclusion: I am extremely fortunate. I have a wonderful husband, an awe-inspiring daughter, a comfortable house, a good job and a supportive and loving family. There is really nothing that I could possibly want for. And if there is anything I want or need, for the most part I am fortunate to have the means to take care of it. Basically, despite all of the things I find to complain about on a daily basis, I have nothing to complain about.

This makes it painfully clear that I need to be more charitable, more patient, and more positive. I am hereby committed to being more appreciative of what I have and taking responsibility for improving/enhancing/upgrading myself and whatever small part of the world I can impact. While it certainly sounds pat and cliche when looking at it in black and white, all I can do it start today and remind myself to look back often.

Not Exactly How I Remember It

There are two types of vacations - the type where you go somewhere to do something (e.g., Paris, London, Costa Rica) and the type where you go somewhere to do nothing (e.g., the Bahamas, Florida). No matter what kind of vacation, one of my critical requirements is that a vacation be about sleeping in. To people on vacation without kids (i.e., me up until this point) the thinking is "The Louvre will still be there at 11 am, no need to be there when it opens. Let's sleep late and eat chocolate croissants as we wander our way over there later."

On the other hand, remember family vacations when you got up at some horrible hour to beat the crowds? When I lived in DC and would take the metro to work I would look at tourist families in disgust, "Why are you people up and out at 7:30 in the morning? The museums aren't open yet and you are in the way!"

Now I am starting to understand. Kids like to be entertained, babies don't know the weekend from a weekday (LP actually gets up EARLIER on weekends than school days), and you will never sleep past 8:30 am again. Might as well embrace this fact and avoid the crowds.

PS: I think this should work everywhere except Disneyworld. Everyone is up early there, probably better to go at night when everyone else is too exhausted to move. Or, better yet, don't go at all!

The Great Outdoors

After two days in the woods, we have returned from our camping adventure.

Somehow all of our gear fit into the car. We have one kid - and a small one at that - and I feel like we were really cramming the stuff in. I have no idea how my brother-in-law and his family fit all of the stuff they need into the car and still have room for their three kids. To be honest, I don't care how they got it all in, I am just thankful that they did, because not only is my sister-in-law very well prepared, but my niece is amazing, taking LP off of my hands for small periods of time so that I could actually accomplish things and help.

LP loved being outside and getting dirty. Fortunately we had rented a camp site with a lean to (pretty much a covered wooden stage) which was a perfect place to let LP crawl around. She had a great time and didn't even attempt to eat too much "organic" material.

The first night we got LP to go to sleep around 10:30 in the pack-n-play. She woke up screaming screaming crying at 12:15. Did you know that noise carries very clearly when you are in the woods in the middle of the night? We were very concerned about fixing whatever was bothering LP, but probably more worried about keeping her quiet and from waking the entire campground. Eventually after much rocking, cajoling, some orajel and some Tylenol she fell back to sleep. Of course, she feel asleep in my sleeping bag with me. This meant that instead of sleeping comfortably on my sleeping pad in my sleeping bag, I slept on the three inches of cold, lumpy ground in between the pack-n-play and the nice, cushioned pad. LP slept soundly and well, I moved around a lot.

The second night was a vast improvement. LP fell asleep at 9:05 in the pack-n-play. At 9:10 it started to rain. The rain was an improvement over listening to people talk at other campsites (rain in the woods on a tent is VERY VERY loud) and it was also a relief because no one would hear LP if she cried. You guessed it, she didn't cry and I had to wake her up at 8 the next morning. Fortunately the tent was waterproof and we all stayed warm and dry and got some sleep.

The picture above is from Sunday morning. Now you know what I look like after 48 hours of not showering. Be thankful the blog technology has not been upgraded to scratch and sniff yet.

Will we go camping again? Sure. Would we do it with someone younger than LP? Probably not. Did we have a good time? Definitely. The company was good, the weather was great, and the attitude was care-free with no one talking or thinking about work the entire time. THAT is what a vacation is all about.

Another Transition

I am currently in the process of moving LP to cups instead of bottles. This is requiring a lot of patience and tough love. When I went to the pediatrician for LP's one-year check up, she asked if baby girl was drinking from cups. I was just happy to have her weaned! But the doctor is right, we don't want to be having the conversation about moving her to a cup when LP is two.

Last week, on the days she was home with me, I started giving her milk in a sippy cup while she ate and when she was done eating, I would try to get her to drink from the cup. She would typically only drink an ounce or so. I would then pour the rest of the milk into a bottle and hand it back to her; she would drain the bottle.

This week I started only giving LP milk in a sippy cup during the day. If she drinks it, excellent; if she doesn't, fine. This is horrible from a mommy perspective, especially since it is growing increasingly warm out. I don't want my little buggaboo to be thirsty, but I can see any other way. Before bed I still give her a bottle with her last milk of the day. I am trying to figure out if she is gaming me, holding out to drink until she gets her bottle at night. Next week we go all cup all the time.

Any one else have experience with this? Any tried and true methods for getting babies to cups?

One of 'Those' Moms

I have become one of 'those' moms. The ones ignorant, judgemental, non-parents look upon with disdain.

Yesterday in the grocery store, LP started getting fussy. So, like any other parent trying to get through an errand without totally alienating the rest of the population, I popped open the box of graham crackers in my cart and gave one to LP. I then high-tailed it over to the in-store Dunkin' Donuts to liberate some of their free napkins to use to clean up the graham cracker goo that would surely coat my cart once the cracker had disintegrated in the baby's hands and mouth.

I haven't gone to the store without showering yet, or brought LP to the store in her PJs, but I can see how this might be a slippery slope. Instead of giving looks of pity, I will give these brave, hard-working women looks of sympathy and save the disdain for those who think they know better.

How Do You Measure an Eternity?

The Hoos has three "events" this week for work. Starting last night he has activities to attend after work, meaning he won't get home until after I have already put LP to bed. This doesn't happen often, but when it does it reminds me how fortunate I am. I don't think I would survive as a single mom and my hat goes off to those of you that pull it off and make it look easy.

Most days I wake up at 6:30, am out the door by 7:15 and work until 4:30. I pick LP up around 5:30, run any necessary short errands and take her for a walk. I then give her dinner and prepare our dinner. Usually when our dinner is simmering away, the Hoos arrives home and scoops LP into his arms. He takes her upstairs while he changes out of his fancy work clothes so I can clean up a bit and get the table set. After we eat dinner, we work as a team to bathe LP, give her her last bottle and put her to bed.

When the Hoos is not home and I don't have relief things are quite a bit more hectic. Of course, the weather has been cruddy, meaning we can't walk; add this to the fact that LP is trying out the new "one nap only" rule and crankiness abounds. To ease the dinner prep, I had picked up a rotisserie chicken at Stew's. I served bits of chicken, sweet potato chunks, watermelon and grapes to LP. After downing everything except the chicken, she proceeded to throw the protein off of the high chair tray - as if its mere presence was offensive to her. Of course, as I am picking bits up from the floor, she continues to chuck them, often hitting me in the head in the process.

This is not to say that we didn't also have a good time. We did manage to play and read a few books and climb the stairs several times. And on a practical note, LP did get a bath and her lunch did get prepared. But man, someone needs to conduct some research to explain how time can fly and crawl at the same time.

Bring on the Woods!

We continue to prepare for our camping adventure at the end of the month. This weekend the weather was miserable, but the camping shopping was good.

We got two new sleeping bags and a new tent at Dick's Sporting Goods. We actually didn't intend to buy a new tent, but when I saw the nice big tents all set up in the store, my first reaction was "ohhh...this is niiiice." It wasn't just that the tent was so nice, it is also that we were planning on sleeping in the Hoos' 15-year old tent. The tent has not been opened in at least 10 years and I was starting to be a bit concerned that we would take it out upon arriving at our camp site and discover that the thing was covered with holes and had families of moths living in for the last decade. The new tent is 12x10 - bigger than the "master" bedroom in our little cape. If we can't all three sleep comfortably in this new structure, well, then the tent isn't to blame.

Speaking of sleeping, we are also starting to wonder how that is going to work. LP is not exactly used to sleeping out in nature or even next to Mommy and Daddy for that matter. Will she be so excited that sleep will never come? Our optimistic view is that we will just lay in the tent with it all zipped up and the Hoos and I will go to bed and LP can just crawl around until she falls asleep. The thought process is that she will be safe - she can't get out (at least I hope she doesn't know how to open zippers yet!) and there is nothing to fall off of or hurt herself on. Okay, stop laughing. We know it ain't gonna work, but we are hopeful.

Sleeping is just one consideration - we also have bugs to contend with, dirt and sticks and other organic matter to constantly remove from LP's hands and mouth, and the weather. We are going with my brother-in-law and his family. Every time they go camping it rains. I hope our good luck counteracts their bad luck...Start praying for us!

Report Card Time

A couple of weeks ago, LP's day care had parent-teacher conferences. I had never experienced parent-teacher conferences as a parent before and didn't really anticipate doing this for a one year old. It was enlightening and enjoyable - as much for its novelty as it was nice to talk about LP (just give me an opening!).

The topics centered around her developmental progress in terms of interaction, movement, emotion, and communication. I actually received a written "report card" which included the following points of feedback:

• When LP is being fed and we take too long she gets upset
• Seeks familiar face when around new people and in new situations
• Has brief encounters with other children
• Imitates and exchanges sounds with other people

Some of our discussion also included the detail that LP is very observant and uses information to get what she wants. For instance, if she notices another child cry and get attention she will assess the situation and actually decide to fake cry in order to get attention. She does a similar trick when one of her favorite teachers walks into the room. As soon as the poor woman walks in the door, LP pretends to cry so the teacher immediately walks over to her.

All of this information was great, and I was really appreciative for the opportunity since I don't know too much about how LP interacts with other children or how she acts when her mommy isn't around. At the end, the lead teacher asked if I had any questions and I hadn't thought enough about it to ask anything meaningful. What I should have asked is for the teacher's opinion on LP's personality - is she a leader? A follower? A class clown? I have my opinions; for instance, any time someone picks her up she lays her head on their shoulder - is this doesn't epitomize a loving kid, I don't know what does; but again, I am observing her as a parent without a basis for comparison.

Then again, how much more information do I need? However she is, she is perfect. Just ask her grandparents.

A Name for People Like Me

We have reorganized several times at my current job. I have always belonged to the same team and reported to the same people, but colleagues have come and gone. Only during the last six months have we achieved some level of stability. As such, our team decided the time was right for a Team Management Profile. This is one of those diagnostic tests where you answer seemingly silly questions about yourself and in return you receive a profile of your work style and preferences. The overall objective is to help you better understand yourself and your co-workers so we can all work better together.

First, let me say, I am not usually into this "touchy-feely" stuff. My typical view is, 'who has time for this stuff?'. However, after having gone through the process and getting the results I am wondering if this information will not only make me a better team player - but a better mom and wife.

Apparently I am a "Thruster-Organizer" which means that I am a "outgoing type who likes to make things happen by organizing people and resources so ideas, discussions, and experiments are turned into action." The profile also told me a lot of stuff that I could have told you without taking the test e.g., I put a heavy emphasis on getting the job done in an efficient and effective way. It also told me some things that don't really matter in my home life such as "you do not like things to be in disarray." Umm, apparently the human tornado that winds its way through my house daily is not a "Thruster-Organizer".

On the other hand, some items do come in handy for my "real job" as a homemaker (is that a PC term?). For instance, I "respect routine, organizational systems and roles and if such procedures don't exist, [I] will set them up." Well, when you first bring home your newborn, life starts out as having no routine. Time is just something that passes in the background. But, establishing a routine is helpful if you actually want to accomplish anything as your newborn becomes an infant. Obviously people on the other end of the spectrum might disagree, thinking that flexibility and spontaneity are the keys to a happy life, but fortunately another of my skills is to talk louder than those folks (no, this is not in my profile).

Stop Grousing!

Today is my grandfather's birthday. Even though he is "retired" in Florida, he plays a few sets of tennis a day and has more work as a CPA than he probably had before he moved to Florida.

My grandparents had my dad when they were both in their late teens; I can not even imagine being 17 and having a newborn. Granted, we all make stuff up as we go along, but only now do I think that I have the life skills to effectively fake being a mom. Regardless, my dad and my uncle both turned out okay (yes, they both have long hair and my uncle spent many years following the Grateful Dead - but all things considered they are in the range of 'normal'. Nyah, nyah).

But seriously, think about all the rules we had to follow while pregnant - no smoking, no drinking, limited OTC drugs and caffeine, iron pills, prenatal vitamins, the monitoring and well-mom and baby visits - all of these are relatively recent guidelines. And consider all of the modern conveniences, e.g., disposable diapers and ready-made formula; these weren't available back in the day. Further, even though I am sure my grandfather was an exception, the role of the dad has evolved considerably over the last half century. Even if you think your husband could be more helpful now, anything he does is a giant leap forward compared to the help and support wives received in the 50s. Not only were they responsible for 100% of the child care and housework, dinner was supposed to be on the table at a certain time and you couldn't even rely on ready-made dinners or the microwave. I guess we should count our lucky stars...

Anyway, happy birthday, Poppy! Enjoy the day and thanks for faking it so well.

Earlier this month, after wishing my grandmother a happy birthday via the blog and talking about her excellent baking abilities, she (for some reason) felt guilty and sent me a package of rugelach. Poppy doesn't bake. Oh well.

Year One in Review: The Bad

No, motherhood is not all good. But the good stuff far outweighs the bad. However, there are definitely a few things that I wish someone had warned me about.

• Explosive Poop. Lots of people talk about how little boys pee when you take off their diaper. I can't confirm this, but what I can pass on is that newborns poop when you change their diaper. Newborn poop is very liquidy and akin to mustard in color and staining capabilities. For the first few weeks I can pretty much guarantee you will get squirted at least once. And somehow your little bugger will have the timing down so that in the split second between removing the old diaper and getting the new diaper into place, they will let it fly. Lap pads are very handy for protecting your changing pad cover. They are less expensive and easier to clean. Trust me.
• Nursing Hurts. I had no idea that the first six weeks of nursing were so painful. I knew that lots of women and babies find it difficult to get the latch right and give up, but I am guessing that lots of people give up because of the pain. You definitely feel the first latch right down to your toes until your girls get used to the sensation. It doesn't help that your nipples get dry and crusty from constantly being wet. The baby doesn't care, she just wants to eat. I recommend enforcing a "don't talk to me when the baby is trying to latch" rule so that you don't bite your husband's head off.
• Time is Limited. The whole "nap when the baby naps" thing is such a crock. Your baby might sleep for 15 minutes or two hours - you have no idea. So, if you decide to do something else for 15 minutes - like say, pee or eat for the first time all day (never mind that it is 2pm) - you may have lost your chance to nap. And since you are never sure if the baby will stay sleeping, you don't really want to fall asleep because waking up after a 5 minute nap just leaves you with a headache. Me, when my option was sleep or eat, I chose to eat.
• Daytime Television Sucks. For the first six weeks or so of your baby's life, you are supposed to keep the little muffin out of the sun (especially between 10 and 2) and away from crowds. I took this guidance from my pediatrician very seriously. You can choose to do whatever you want. For me, this meant I was pretty much in the house alone with LP for long periods of time. I don't watch soap operas and there is only so much Dr. Phil, Oprah, Ellen, Rachael Ray, Martha, Regis and Kelly, etc. that one can take. Invest in television show DVDs so you can watch one half hour or hour long episode at a time. I recommend Dead Like Me.

In retrospect these are all minor inconveniences that don't even come close to overshadowing the wonderful and wacky nature of motherhood. And actually, other than the excruciating latch pain, you can probably laugh your way through most of these (thanks to the delirium).

Out of Focus

Once again I find myself at a fork in the road (note to self: get LP a copy of The Muppet Movie). I am not really deciding which path to take, but rather in which direction I want to stretch myself. Do I want to push myself to reach higher on the professional side of my life, or do I want to instead spread my wings in my not-work life? How do I want to expend my excess (ha ha) energy?

This is all quite metaphorical, I know, so I will give you an example of some of the questions running through my head:

• Should I look for new and interesting opportunities at my current job (if they exist)?
• Should I look for a new job?
• Should I try to get involved in activities with LP (e.g., swimming at Y, playgroups at the synagogue)?
• Should I take another class toward my MBA?

The thing is, I am quite sure that I can't do it all. I am only one person after all, and there is still grocery shopping, laundry, dishes, and a host of other things that need to get done. I need to focus my efforts but I am having a hard time deciding which endeavors to pursue.

I really like the comfort of inertia. Although, I am not used to being the passive hitchhiker that lets life lead me to my next adventure. In reality, as a parent to a growing infant/toddler I need to plan certain things - particularly when it comes to taking care of myself. But even finding the time and the interest to plan seems to be an effort. I gave myself a big pat on the back for making a haircut appointment a week in advance. Now I just have to remember to show up next Wednesday for my much needed trim.

Let the Weening Begin

It is a very exciting time in our house. LP is 11 months old and her doctor advised me to begin transitioning her to whole milk. This is quite a momentous occasion as it not only means that LP is nearing her first birthday (where did the time go? really?) but also that my days of expressing are coming to an end.

I have found that there is no standard way to ween a baby, just like there is no perfect way to raise a baby. There are about a million challenges:

1. Switching the baby from breast to bottle. Check! Thanks to day care, LP is already used to drinking from a bottle.
2. Getting the baby to take a bottle instead of the breast from Mommy. This might be harder. This weekend will be the real test.
3. Ensuring the baby's digestive system is ready for whole milk. So far, so good. On this point, I have basically followed the pediatrician's advice that now is the right time. Some concerns about constipation, but all systems seem to be getting back on track.
   
4. Preparing the baby's palette for the taste of milk. Check. LP hasn't met much in the way of food or drink that she doesn't like.
   
5. Figuring out how to integrate milk into the baby's diet. I kicked off my plan earlier this week and have begun switching out one of the three bottles I send to school with LP with the whole milk. Next week I will try two bottles.
6. Next step - moving LP from the bottle to the cup.
   

You will note that all of the challenges identified above are focused on LP. As always, her health and welfare are my primary concern. However, in this case, the issues related to my well-being are also relatively substantial. I have been nursing (and/or pumping) exclusively since LP was born.

I have been fortunate to have only had engorgement problems twice during this time span - first, when LP was 6 weeks old and I went from feeding her every 2-3 hours to feeding her every 3-4 hours; second, my horrific trip to Phoenix. At this point I am hopeful that simply gradually reducing the number of times I pump while at work will result in a successful and painless weening experience. Stay tuned.

Wrestlemania!

The more mobile LP gets, the more difficult it is to change her diaper. I would think that she would want to put as much distance between herself and the stink emanating from her unders as possible, but alas, this is not the case. Just about every time LP needs a diaper change, it requires muscle, speed and enough intellect to outsmart an 11-month old. Laugh if you must, but this does require more smarts than you think.

It is no longer enough to distract LP with her favorite "cheek chapstick" and a pacifier. She will twist, turn and essentially run off of the changing pad instead of waiting the 30 seconds for me to stick on a fresh, clean diaper. There is no reasoning with her, even though the Hoos tries, "LP, if you just sit still for a few seconds you can run off and play, it takes longer when you move like this."

Earlier today I was trying to swap out a soaked diaper. Next to the changing pad we have wipes, a jar of Triple Paste, and assorted baby creams. As I focused on unfolding the new diaper, LP found her way into the paste and painted both of us with a healthy swab of it. Forget that this stuff costs $30 a pound, it is impossible to remove. It is a good thing she looks cute in her summer jams...

Production Reduction, What's Your Function?

WARNING: For those of you that read this blog to keep up to date on the exciting adventures of LP, this post may be a little too much information. I recommend you enjoy this new photo of my girl instead and stop reading. Caption: Silly Grandpa, don't you have enough pictures?

Hopefully my fellow new moms stuck around despite the ominous warning.

I am one of those lucky nursing moms whose body has returned to normal way before I am ready. Right around the time LP reached the 6 month milestone, my typical female processes returned to order. This is not ideal for many reasons. Not the least of which is that I didn't miss it so much.

More importantly it causes my milk production to decrease for a week or so every month. This bites. It makes me feel bad for not giving my baby girl enough milk and it stresses me out. It also makes all of those people who believe 10 months is too long to be nursing think they are right. They aren't but it makes them smug.

Yesterday I spoke with a lactation consultant who implied that my body was signaling that all systems are go - as in ready to have baby number 2!! While my mother is probably thrilled at this idea, it makes me think too much. We definitely want at least one more child, but the decision is just as complicated as the first time around. How long should we wait in between children? Do we want to have a break from diaper duty or should we just get it all out of the way over a 5 year (or so) span? Would I want to be a stay-at-home mom once I have two kids in day care? What does this mean for my career prospects?

I know there is no perfect solution, so I am going to stop thinking about it and instead focus on cajoling my girls into working harder to produce. I know I can't be the only one out there that practices telepathy on my boobs while pumping...

Two Worlds Colliding

I don't usually go into the office at all on Fridays, but I had some things to take care of; so, instead of penalizing LP and sending her to day care, I figured I would bring her with me. LP has been to my office before, but never on days when I actually plan on accomplishing anything. Today I even brought my laptop in with me.

Some outcomes of our adventure:

1. My cube looks like it got hit by a tornado. Any file, folder piece of paper or CD within arm's reach of LP is now on the floor. Mind you, things on top of my desk or small sized file cabinets are fair game since she can pull her self up to search and destroy.
2. LP has a big head. My daughter is adorable and very mild-mannered. She is a joy to be around. You don't have to believe me, but she heard this several times over. In fact, she turns and smiles when receiving compliments.
   
3. We significantly lowered productivity. LP was enough of a distraction to me (she somehow maneuvered past the paper boxes I used to block off the entrance of my cube and ended up in the cube next door - several times) but she was also an attraction. A constant flood of people came by to look at her. Which wouldn't have been bad if they wanted to watch her, instead they just gawked - lowering my productivity as well.
4. The lactation room is even more useful when you have an actual baby to feed.
   
5. I did actually accomplish a few things. There were a few items that I needed to address today and I actually managed to cross them off my to-do list.
   

LP slept on the way home and we even stopped to do our grocery shopping. I rewarded LP for her excellent behavior with a piece of a banana as we walked from the store to the car. I put the fruit on the car seat while I loaded the groceries and promptly sat on it. Maybe it is karma telling me to keep the baby out of the office.

A Resolution

During the two or so months I have been blogging (both reading other blogs and writing my own) I have noticed much discussion about the guilt surrounding being a working mom. As of right now I resolve to stop writing about feeling guilty for working. This should be easy enough because I have determined that the majority of my guilt does not stem from working.

I feel the most guilty for being a person with my own needs. Ninety-nine percent of the time LP's well-being comes above my own. This is apparent when I go an entire day without peeing; or when you consider that I still wear a hideous nursing bra on days when I am not in the office or change into one immediately after getting home from work; or when you can't help but notice that LP's wardrobe is much more attractive and extensive than my own.

Yesterday, in an attempt to remedy some of the wardrobe issue, I left the Hoos and LP in the car while I ran into a Talbot's outlet. I love to get a bargain and when in the right mood I can spend at least an hour going through sales racks. I spent a grand total of 15 minutes inside this huge store. When I got out, LP was upset and the Hoos was ready to get going.

As I strapped a crying LP into her car seat, I kept telling her: "I'm sorry mommy was selfish and wanted to get some new clothes. I should have considered that you would rather be anywhere than sitting in the car on a nice day and done my shopping at a different time." I spent the car ride back home sitting in the back seat playing with LP. At least I got two shirts and a new skirt.

Never Enough

Today's Washington Post includes an article about 'mommy guilt.' It states that mom's today are constantly rearranging their lives and their schedules in order to spend more time with their children, but are never satisfied that they are actually spending enough time with their kids.

According to the article, moms are spending more time primarily tending to their kids every week than ever before (14.1 hours as opposed to 10.2 hours in 1965). Apparently mothers in the 60s spent more time focused on housekeeping. I have already blogged about how housekeeping is not my highest priority, so that hypothesis holds up for me. Regardless, even though more time is spent focused on the family, women are still questioning themselves and their decisions and wondering how they could spend more time with their kids.

Why are we so hard on ourselves? I am very fortunate to have a flexible schedule and spend two workdays a week home with LP. Sometimes I ponder if day care is actually a better place for LP to be 5 days a week. There are other little crawlers to play with, there is plenty of open space and bountiful amounts of Cheerios. On our days together there are errands to be run, laundry to be put up and meals to be prepared. And yet, I still feel that LP prefers it because she is with mommy. But really, who knows?

I am hopeful that with the weather improving we will spend less time cooped up in the house and more time outside exploring the world. Of course then I will wonder if she is seeing enough written word or getting enough stimulation just by sitting outside or going for a walk. It has to be more educational than exploring life behind our couch...