Friday, February 1, 2008

If Not Now, When?

I have a disease. It isn't life threatening, or even related to my physical health, but it definitely makes me question my mental health. I don't even know if it has a name - what is the opposite of procrastination?

Seriously, I just can't let stuff go undone. If something needs to be taken care of and I really don't feel like doing it, I ask myself, "If not now, when?". If I can't put a finite deadline on it or the alternative timing just doesn't seem right, I force myself to take on the task right away.

For example, LP is napping right now. Instead of taking a few minutes to relax and sit on my big old arse on the couch, I ran around like a crazy person:
  • 1:55 - Put LP in her crib
  • 2:00 - While listening to LP scream unhappily, pick up and put away all of the toys that we played with this morning
  • 2:15 - Check my email and do a few small projects for work
  • 2:35 - Prep the turkey meatloaf for dinner
  • 2:50 - Clean up from meatloaf prep
  • 2:55 - Notice that dishwasher is done running and full of clean dishes. Contemplate writing on blog, but instead empty dishwasher
  • 3:05 - Sit down and formulate blog entry

See? Sick, sick, sick! I am five months pregnant, I deserve a break, right? But I just refuse to give it to myself. In fact, even as I write this I am thinking about getting up to put up a load of laundry. Despite the fact that I did three loads yesterday while watching a sick LP in the afternoon, the pile doesn't look like a dent was made.

The other person seriously suffering because of my illness is the Hoos. Just this morning he was sitting at the breakfast table and noticed a credit card bill, "I usually don't even see these, they are gone by the time I get home." I didn't want to tell him that I had checked the statement online earlier in the week and already set up the payment online, so I just didn't bother to move it into the office with my usual efficiency since it was really already taken care of.

The poor guy. Seriously. He asks me to leave stuff for him to deal with when he gets home from work - like the garbage, laundry, dishes, etc. - but I just can't. I know he will take care of it, but I just can't leave the timing to chance. Yes, he'll get the laundry, but it will be in a few hours, or tomorrow, and by then I could already have it folded and put away.

Do they make a 'chill pill'? Because I think I could use a few bottles.


KiKi said...

Your second child will be your chill pill.

Stephanie said...

I think I might have to respectfully disagree with kiki, though I respect her enormously! :)

I have four and I haven't found the chill pill yet. That discussion between you and the Hoos? Could have been an exact transcription of a discussion between me and My Hubby.

He always wants me to "just come and be with me for a minute" and I'm focused on laundry, dishes, e-mail, checking homework, whatever else. I can actually sit, but my mind is still thinking about the to-do list.

Sadly, it's never done. I don't know the cure, either, but if you manage to find it, please let me know right away!

A's Mom said...

You are too funny. I was just thinking about doing an entry about this very same topic (although it sounds so much more of a serious disease when you describe it!).

Aunt Barbara said...

This is a genetic disease - you inherited it from your aunt with whom you share no blood! But it is possible to learn to relax a LITTLE with age...instead of everything having to be done YESTERDAY, I have progressed to needing all done TODAY! Hoos should talk to Uncle Joey - they can commiserate...

Aunt Barbara

Smirking Cat said...

I am the same way, always have a to-do list in head, prioritized and laid out on a timeline. And I get very edgy if something gets in the way! I suppose it makes us very dependable and efficient, but we need to give ourselves and just relax every now and then to recharge. Easier said than done!

Wenderina said...

The disease is called Proactivitis. Defined as "the inability to sidetrack, postpone, or in any way delay tasks. Commonly found in children of laid back parents who determined they must be the opposite. Unable to find pleasure in couch potatoeness." So NOT me.