With Relish

Guess who likes getting dirty?

This was her second outfit. It had been on 15 minutes. And I thought I was so smart to put her rainboots on.

Too Far?

Recently AK has been obsessed with the Teletubbies. LP also enjoys them and I have two episodes saved to the DVR from a couple of years ago. This is quite fortunate because the 'Tubbies are no longer shown on TV. In fact, 'Tubby items are no longer really sold in stores either (you can pay an arm and a leg to get them online though).

Yesterday I thought I was being quite clever when I posted to Freecycle seeking All Things Teletubbies. Until I got a response and had to ask the Hoos to pick the items up.

The Hoos is not really a fan of Freecycling. When I Freecycled some kitchen gadgets earlier this week he wondered why I didn't just throw it out. "Hey," I reasoned, "If someone else is going to use it, why not? Better than going to a landfill!"

My request resulted in purple (Tinky-Winky) and yellow (La-La) Teletubby dolls. The Hoos thinks I am nuts. He thinks that if someone else's kids treat their toys the way our kids do (eating them, drooling on them, etc.) why would we possibly want them. I was going to just throw the dolls in the wash (before the girls see them, natch). If they get ruined, they get thrown out. Big deal.

What do you think? Freecycling stuffed animals icky? Or ingenious?

Who's That Girl?

Think back to when you were in elementary school - can you remember 'the dirty girl'? You know, the one that looked unkempt, maybe wore stained clothes? At the time, and even now, you didn't know why she was that way - was it a family thing? Did she get in a tussle on the way in?

Now I have my own three year old, and I can't help wondering - is she the dirty girl?

I pick out the girls' clothes at night, but there is no guarantee that they will actually wear what I leave out for them. LP wants to wear what she likes. Sometimes she will wear jeans and other times jeans are a tool of the devil meant to constrict her innards and you can't pay her to wear them. Sometimes corduroys count as jeans and other times they are awesome. Basically, she wears what she wants and I try to provide an acceptable option.

Not only does she often pick out her clothes but she dresses herself. Heaven help you if you try to help her and she is not in the mood. Yesterday one of my friends wrote to tell me, "I was talking to LP this morning and noticed she had both shirts on backward. She proudly explained that she 'beat Daddy' getting dressed." When I asked the Hoos about it, he hadn't even noticed. He was just proud of himself that he got her hair in a ponytail. He thought her hair looked too wild.

LP's hair is another challenge. She has perfectly straight, beautiful blondish hair. She wakes up fuzzyheaded. And she isn't keen on letting you brush it. And she really really doesn't like things in her hair. Ideally, LP wouldn't have bangs. But if you want bangs to grow out you have to be able to pin them up to keep them out of your eyes. Not happening. This morning I got LP to accept putting a clip in - but SHE had to do it. Who knows what she looks like.

Finally, OxyClean is my hero. It goes in every load of laundry and I typically have something soaking in a bucket full of it. That being sad, little kids are messy. Every stain doesn't come out even with Mighty Ox. There is just no way. And, every day at day care more stains get added. Yeah, my kids have stains on their clothes, yeah clothes cost money, and no, I am not always sending them in brand new clothes that will just get ruined.

My question is, how come most of LP's and AK's friends look so well put together? I know they all have awesome moms. But I think LP's and AK's mom is okay too. What is the magic trick? Hook me up!

An Epidemic of Stupidity

And so our love-hate relationship with the media continues. The latest flare-up: Swine Flu.

To me, this is totally ridiculous. "AHHH! A new strain of flu! Not caused by eating pork or pork-related products! Like the regular flu, but with a swanky name! AAHHH! Close the borders! Stop eating tortilla chips! Throw out your salsa! No Mexican food for a month!"

Granted, I have not read many articles on the craze. And this is not because they aren't available. Every newspaper in the country is headlining stories about swine flu, its deadly toll, and what precautions everyone should take.

100 people or so have died so far! In Mexico! According to the NY Times, it is estimated that the regular seasonal flu kills close to 40,000 people in the U.S. each year.

Helpful hints from a regular mom fighting germs on a daily basis:

• WASH YOUR HANDS
• DON'T LICK THE FLOOR OR EAT THINGS OFF OF IT
• COVER YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU COUGH
• AVOID EATING YOUR OR ANYONE ELSE'S BOOGERS

oh, and

• TURN OFF THE TELEVISION, PUT DOWN THE NEWSPAPER AND GO OUTSIDE AND ENJOY THE BEAUTIFUL WEATHER

Squeaky Clean

I have so much bath related stuff to talk about today.

AK LOVES the bath. So much so that she scares me. While undressing her in the bathroom next to the tub she attempts to throw herself out of your arms and into the warm water. Once in the tub she splashes with so much reckless abandon that I cringe at the thought of taking my hands off of her. Even with the little grass no-slip mat on the bottom of the tub, she manages to squirm everywhere and anywhere in the bath, and even attempts to pull herself up on the faucet.

Last night I stuck her back in the baby bathtub, sitting up. I filled it with enough water that she could splash, but because of how smooshed she is into it there is no way she can flop over. Whew! Unfortunately, I don't think she will tolerate this situation too long. Any one have a bath tub insert or related product they can recommend to keep me from having a heart attack?

My second issues has to do with the shower. For the last month or so the Hoos and I have been using the same shampoo, Herbal Essences None of Your Frizzness. He basically started using mine because he ran out and never asked me to buy him more. I noticed we were running low on my shampoo and bought more on a rare family trip to Target. Yesterday I even put it on the counter in the bathroom, planning to put it in the shower when I next used it.

This morning the shampoo was not on the counter and I thought it was safe to assume it had made its way into the shower. WRONG. When I was ready to lather up my head I found a completely empty bottle. The Hoos had moved the shampoo all right - right back in to the linen closet. In the hallway. Outside the bathroom.

Nothing gets your blood pumping like dripping your way across your home in 15 degree weather to get beauty supplies.

Master Pee

The blog title is especially appropriate given that AK is wearing this outfit today. For those of you even less hip than me, Master P is a hip-hop artist. AK is wearing a snazzy track suit compliments of friends of my in-laws. That being said, this entry has nothing to do with her outfit.

After another not-so-great night of not really sleeping, I had to wake AK up at 9:15. As I changed her she went into the "trussed turkey position." That is this adorable position that shows off her flexibility, she pulls her little feet to her chin with her knees bent. As she did this, she smiled widely at me, and realizing I was distracted by her cuteness, she proceeded to pee. A lot. And because of the position and angle, it all went behind her and not into the new clean diaper waiting below her. Awesome.

She continued to smile at me, even as I removed the changing pad cover and all of her clothes and proceeded to clean her off with a million and one wipes. As I opened a new diaper and prepared to nestle it beneath her I told her, "Don't pee again!" Of course, I jinxed it. She proceeded to have yet another full on pee.

This was no tinkle tinkle, like when LP agrees to pee on the potty and produces a table spoon or so. This was approximately a cup of pee. It pooled beneath her on the naked changing pad (remember, I had removed the cover two minutes ago after the first pee incident).

My daughter - the master pee-er.

Inked

A few months ago my mother brought us SquidSoap. Most likely she bought it because it was on clearance at Target and not because she thought I needed it. If you know my mom you will agree with this statement (sorry mom, it is true). Anyway, this is a product from Airborne that is supposed to teach kids about proper handwashing. Basically when you press down the pump you get some ink on your hand that won't disappear until you wash your hands with soap for at least 15-20 seconds.

Since LP has started using the potty she has also become really interested in frequently washing her hands. Hallelujah! I thought this would be a good time to bust out the fancy soap. Two hours and multiple hand washings later, I must admit that LP and I do not have the orange dot of ink that appears in the middle of your hand when using this product. Rather, OUR HANDS ARE ENTIRELY BRIGHT PINK.

No wonder it was on clearance at Target...

The Case of the Missing Vacuum

I have mentioned before that the Hoos is building a kayak in our basement. Occasionally this will require that he clean up after himself, so he brings our household vacuum downstairs. Usually, not a problem.

Today our cleaning woman arrived to make my house presentable until 4:30pm when LP arrives home and undoes all of her hard work. While she was here Dee and I went out to run some errands. As I am heading toward home my cell phone rings, "Hi, Amy. It is Gabby. Where is your vacuum?" (Imagine this with a Slovakian accent). I apologize that it is not where it belongs and tell her it is likely in the basement. "I look in the basement. It is not there." Since I am near home, I tell her to hold on and I will come and locate it. I then call the Hoos to confirm its location.

I immediately go down to the basement when I get home, not even turning on the light. I don't see the vacuum. I go upstairs to run on the light and finally find the vacuum tucked back in the shadows.

Gabby then tells me that she was scared looking around our basement. I figure 1. she didn't know where the light was (it is not in a place that you would associate with a basement light) and every one's basement looks creepy in the dark and 2. my basement is full of stuff and therefore scary in a figurative way. She shakes her head, "No, I mean in that room," pointing to the area of the basement where the Hoos keeps his tools. Here is a picture of what she saw when she was seeking out the missing air sucker:

Can you blame her? I think the Hoos' waders are scary too.

Stained

This morning I stopped at the bagel store and got a bagel and some nice warm decaf coffee to enjoy on my way into the office. Life was good. I arrived at the office, finished the coffee and got up to make my first, of what I am sure will be several, trips to the ladies room.

While walking I look down and notice a wet spot on my chest. It is definitely too early for lactation and the spot was closer to my collar than my girls. And the spot was a light brown and smelled vaguely of vanilla hazelnut decaf coffee.

By the time I got to the bathroom I realized that this was not a single spot, but rather there is a chain of spots - starting at the top and trailing down to the middle of my large and in charge belly. Lovely.

I can clearly visualize my Tide-to-Go stick...it is sitting in a basket on my dresser from the last time I changed pocketbooks. Clearly not doing me any good. And water? Well, I tried that...and 20 minutes later it finally dried and left the coffee splotches behind.

And, even though I have a couple of extra cardigans stashed in various file cabinets in my office, none of them are maternity. It is not like I can just throw on any old thing. It is 8:20 and I have already resigned myself to looking like a slob for the rest of the day. Woo-hoo.

Cha-Cha-Cha

After a totally disappointing Friday of being stuck in the house as my car was in the shop, the weekend was quite a pleasure. My parents came up on Saturday and spent the afternoon with LP and me. We lunched, she snuggled, we partied like rockstars. That evening my brother-in-law and his family came over for dinner. LP inserted herself into the play of her three exuberant older cousins.

For some reason she follows her older male cousin, O, around like a puppy. When his little brother was playing with a book that LP wanted and she started to cry, instead of running to Mommy or Daddy she ran to O, held her arms up, and said "Uppy!" He obliged and then looked around at the grown-ups, "Now what?"

Sunday the sun was shining, even if the temperatures were not exactly warm and cozy. Looking for an activity that would help LP expend energy, get all three of us out of the house and hopefully help us enjoy the pleasant brightness, we went to the Stamford Museum and Nature Center. We have never been before, and they were having their annual Maple Sugar Festival. It turns out that the Center is a working farm with horses, cows, pigs, goats, sheep, alpacas and a whole host of other animals - including a very entertaining river otter. They also had lots of events and activities - both inside and out. LP especially enjoyed the free popcorn. If you are a local, I highly recommend checking the Center out.

Today was an event I have been anticipating for weeks - our cleaning lady is back! Woo-hoo! She was visiting her family for a month in Slovakia and just returned. She even showed up EARLY at 8:40 instead of 9. Yippeee!!! After greeting her, LP and I packed up and left the house, both to get out of her way and to take advantage of having the car back and run some errands.

Of course, the biggest errand was an unplanned one. WE GOT LP'S HAIR CUT!!! I happened to pass one of the places that specializes in "Kid Cuts" and decided to run in and see if they had any openings. They were able to squeeze us in at 11:45, so after LP and I spent some time running around Barnes and Noble, we went back and sat her cute little butt into a pink Barbie Jeep chair.

She was a very good girl and it only took about 5 minutes for them to complete her cut and take my $25. I know, a total rip-off. If I had known how little they would end up cutting I wouldn't have wasted the money. But, I guess it was worth it since she liked sitting in the car, they put a butterfly clip in her hair that she kept in until we got to the car, her bangs no longer fall into her eyes, she got her picture taken and they gave us a little baggy with her locks. Now I know better and next time we go to our regular haircutter or we do it ourselves. I would take a picture, but you probably won't be able to tell the difference.

Who IS the Boss?

Yesterday, I was eager for the arrival of Gabby, the nice woman who cleaned my house last month. She had called last Thursday to set up her next time to pay us a visit and make my house a little more livable. I was thrilled. Especially since the Hoos was not responding to my nagging for him to be proactive and call her.

She was supposed to show up at 3. I thought the timing would be perfect. In a perfect world, LP would just be finishing up her nap (at day care standard napping hours in her classroom are 1-3) and it would be good timing for a visit to the playground to tucker my little munchkin back out. Unfortunately, with all of the excitement around LP using the potty, she didn't end up going down for hew nap until closer to 2. Not a big deal, I had things to do and Gabby could always start work downstairs.

Three o'clock came and LP was still napping and Gabby was no where in site. An hour later and there was still no change in the status of the house. At this point, I knew that it was getting too late to visit the playground (yes, it is warm out, but it still gets dark by 4:45) and the likelihood of having my home cleaned by someone other than me was looking as dim as the sky.

Oh well, at least the Hoos and I straightened up the house this weekend anticipating Gabby's visit. There are maybe two less piles of random stuff in my house than there were last week. Now do we give her another shot (we had to reschedule her first visit twice), do we give up having someone clean our house (I think I might cry at the thought of this one) or, better yet, does anyone know a reliable cleaning woman in the Norwalk area? FYI: I refuse to use Merry Maids since reading Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By in America.

AN ADDITION 1/9/09 8am: By the way, I take the fact that I have been receiving samples of cleaning products in the mail as a sign that I need help cleaning my home. TheMomBlogs sent me a full-size sample of Dawn Direct Foam (not that I expect someone to do my dishes, however). It is actually a pretty good product for handwashing dishes. I am not quite ready to convert from good old Palmolive yet since I am not yet convinced of its ability to be effective for soaking pots and pans. I received a Swiffer Sweeper from RoleMommy last week too. I think perhaps someone is taking pictures of the dustbunnies that crawl out from under my radiators. The swivel head is actually very helpful in getting under the radiators to capture these little MFers before they get out.

Mr. Clean No Match for My Baby

So, Monday my Chanukah present arrived. A little late, but that wasn't the Hoos' fault. Her name is Gabby and she cleaned my house. She removed stuck on gunk from my hard-wood floors, sucked ground in cookies out of my living room rug, and scrubbed my bathroom. Honestly, this was one of the best presents EVER.

Unfortunately, LP doesn't much notice when the house is clean. Probably because she is so good at making it messy. Yesterday was a true testament to her ability to be a one-girl wrecking crew.

While I was making her dinner, she was on the floor of our office coloring on flip chart paper (with washable markers) and eating Cheerios from a bag. As soon as I walk into the room to check on her, she picks up the bag and upends it, relishing in scattering Cheerios over the entire floor surface of the office. And, in case any cereal got stuck in the bag, she shook it several times for good measure.

Fortunately, her dinner was done; I picked her up, strapped her into her booster in the dining room and set the mac n' cheese in front of her so that I could go and attempt to locate every last Cheerio and chuck them. Of course, after collecting the fallen cereal I return to the dining room to discover macaroni on the floor, on the table, on the chair and pretty much everywhere except in LP's mouth. ARRGGHHH.

I leave her strapped in the booster while I clean up the dinner and attempt to wipe it off of all of the surfaces before it solidifies into gunk that requires more effort and energy to remove than I have at this point. I then take her out of the booster and tell her to run away before I throttle her. She runs into the kitchen, climbs up on the kitchen chair and pounds on the table yelling out "more!" because apparently she is still hungry after throwing more macaroni than she ate.

Will I ever learn? Probably not because I give her a spoon and some applesauce and closely supervise her as she spoons the sweet goodness into her mouth. After 5 minutes of watching her eat (as you can imagine a toddler feeding herself applesauce is a time-consuming process, she only ate 1/4 of the container at this point), I figure I can turn away to the sink to make some progress cleaning stuff up. Within two minutes applesauce is smeared on the table, the chair, the tile floor... If you are keeping count this is the THIRD ROOM she has "uncleaned" in less than an hour.

As part of my present, we were going to have Gabby return every two weeks to clean the house for a few months. I am thinking at this point that every other day still wouldn't be frequently enough...

Bath Time

We still bathe LP in our kitchen sink. It is actually a really big sink. It is more comfortable for us because we don't have to kneel and it uses much less water than if we put her in the tub. We put a pillow thing in the sink for her to sit on so she doesn't slide and so her little bottom has a cushy place to rest. We are starting to think that maybe she is outgrowing this practice though...

Something Political

I was a Political Science major in college, so I still have some interest in politics. Not running for any elected position, mind you, but I do like to keep my eyes on what is happening in Washington. Sadly, I am not so interested in local politics.

Anyway, I have a question about the whole Larry Craig thing. For anyone living under a rock, this is the Senator who was arrested for lewd behavior in an airport bathroom. I am trying to figure out how it is possible to bump the foot of the person next to you when in a bathroom stall. Do men actually sit on the seat in an airport bathroom? Because most women I know squat (those toilet seat covers are just too hard to use), meaning they need both feet to support their weight. I would fall over if I kicked out (or even tapped!) with one foot. Or do we assume that hygiene is not a high priority for someone looking for an encounter in an airport bathroom?

I know, you are thinking that alluding to politics in the opening paragraph was a rude way to lure you into a conversation about bathroom habits. I apologize for any misdirection. Would you rather I talked about the sad state of affairs in the executive branch nowadays (or really for the last 7 years)? Or my concern about the direction of the Democratic Party?

Dirty Girl

My housekeeping isn't what it used to be. And even that wasn't much.

Considering LP regularly dumps bags of Cheerios or goldfish on my living room rug and cries at the sound of the vacuum cleaner, I don't vacuum as much as I should. And somehow the unwanted food that she flings off of her high chair tray finds a way of hitting at least three pieces of furniture before landing on the floor. Again, this is very difficult to stay on top of.

Five years ago, I had a conversation with a colleague on this topic that still sticks with me.

She was complaining about her sister-in-law's housekeeping practices and asked me incredulously, "Do you believe that she doesn't wash their shower towels daily? Isn't that disgusting? It must be a cultural thing." Well, her sister-in-law happened to be South American, but obviously the one with the problem was my co-worker. I remember thinking, "Who washes their towels everyday? Who has the time, energy and that much laundry that they can do a load a day?"

Well, I now I have enough laundry that I can do a load a day; except I can't and I don't. First, it wastes way too much electricity and water to run the washing machine and dryer so frequently. Second, WHO HAS THE TIME OR ENERGY TO DO A LOAD OF LAUNDRY A DAY?

Have I just outed myself as a dirty person? Do other people seriously only use their towels for drying off after the shower once? I thought that was a luxury afforded in fancy hotel rooms. And even they are asking people to hang up their towels and consider not getting new linens every day.

Thank goodness the aforementioned colleague no longer works here. I can only imagine what should would say about my cleaning practices! Or maybe with two kids of her own now she has more important things to worry about than lightly used towels.

Challenge #786

How do you remove food stuck in between a toddler's teeth? LP has something green stuck in between her bottom front teeth. It is driving me crazy and all attempts to remove it thus far have been unsuccessful. To say that she does not appreciate my efforts on this front is like saying George W Bush occasionally has trouble converting his thoughts into words.

No amount of tooth brushing (she actually lets me do this) or scraping (she is a little less enthusiastic about this approach) will dislodge the detritus. I just hope the thing doesn't grow as she grows - because it might be there a while. You can't really use dental floss on a one-year-old - can you?

Good Housekeeping

Nothing quite impacts your housekeeping like an infant. First, our living room seems to have exploded with “stuff”. As soon as I put LP’s toys and books away in their boxes, little curious hands find a way to pry off the lid and sprinkle them back across the room. Of course, nothing holds her attention very long, so soon enough everything that was once neatly put away and/or on a shelf somewhere joins its little inanimate friends at the party on my living room floor.

We should also consider the biological contributions that LP makes to the house. While the quantity and quality of spit-up has reduced significantly since she was born, there is the occasional call for a wet paper towel to blot up curdled milk. I also have started swiping my foot (in a sock!) over trails of drool on the hardwood floors, finding myself too lazy to actually get a towel to wipe these up. On a related note, LP is only nursed and allowed to sit on our comfy couch. Made of some sort of sueded material, it appears to conceal spots.

To make matters worse, LP also has this knack for finding any crumbs, lint, or tracked-in dirt. If the random detritus doesn’t find its way into her hair or onto her clothes, it ends up in her fingers which quickly move toward her mouth. I am not a slob, we are not messy people, but there is no way to keep a spotless home when you live in it. If I could find a way to use my little human vacuum cleaner for good (i.e., cleaning) we might be in business, for now it just kills me that I am constantly trailing after her to pick ick out of her hair or to rescue who-knows-what from her gaping jaws.

Does This Thing Come with Instructions?

For the holidays, LP got a cute little school bus toy from our neighbors. It comes with "Little People". By "Little People" I don't mean dwarves - although the people are supposed to be diverse (i.e., Carlos the bus driver; Michael, the African-American boy; and Maggie the caucasian, wheelchair-bound girl). I think the brand name is "Little People".

LP loves Michael, Maggie and Carlos. What she likes most is attempting to eat them. Unfortunately, they have small holes in the bottom. Holes that can capture water, saliva, and any other liquid. By "capture" I mean, it lets the liquid in but not out. At least not as far as I can tell.

Experienced moms of the world - please let me in on the secret of liberating the rancid liquid from my school bus driver!

Redefining 'A Sense of Accomplishment'

When is the last time you felt a real sense of accomplishment? Usually it has to do with completing a project or a job well done. Before LP, that is when I would have applied the term. Now, I parade around the house, feeling a real sense of accomplishment...when I remove a huge booger from LP's nose. Not only do I parade around the house, I do so with the giant snot stuck to my finger, waving it above my head. It sounds insane, but let me explain:

First, you have to get close to LP's nose. No easy feat when you consider her previously blogged about super human strength when faced with a tissue. She also has this tactic I call "the mini-golf windmill". She also uses this when eating on occasion. Just when you think you are close to your target, her hand moves to block the incoming hand.

Second, you have to be prepared. Keep in mind, these are not ordinary boogers. They are made of some organic compound that can be stretched beyond imaginable limits. You need to have a tissue available for the snot to stick to, otherwise all it does it taunt you and then bounce back into the nostril never to be seen again.

Third, you have to have at least six hands - like the Indian deity with the elephant head; two to hold her head still, two to immobilize her arms, one to hold the tissue and the other with a longer nail on the pinky to fit in the nostril and coax the little yellow bugger out.

After reading this, don't you agree that removing one big-butt booger is better than closing a multi-million dollar deal or giving a presentation to a group of key clients?

Post-Partum Hair Loss

I haven't had bangs since I was in 9th grade. I grew up on Long Island - I not only had bangs, I had bangs that were sprayed to stand straight up. Needless to say, it was not a bad thing for me - or the environment - when my bangs grew in. And then I got pregnant.

When I was pregnant with LP, I was probably one of the few women that hated the thicker hair that accompanies pregnancy. I already had thick hair, I was used to my hair, this bushy new look wasn't doing it for me. If only I had known then about post-partum hair loss (PPHL)- I wouldn't have complained.

When LP turned 3 months old - almost to the day - I started noticing my hair was falling out. When I say noticing, I mean the water in the shower was up around my ankles because so much hair was clogging the drain. I didn't get bald spots, and unless you really looked at my hairline, you wouldn't have noticed I was losing hair. Or unless you were my daughter and husband who were constantly finding long, brown hair all over the house.

Needlesss to say I was relieved when my hair stopped falling out in mass quantities right around the time LP turned 6 months old. However, now everyone is noticing that I lost my hair because I have these fabulous spiky bangs. And by fabulous, I mean they stink. Some lay flat, some stand up, some are interspersed with longer hairs; in general, I have NO IDEA WHAT TO DO WITH MY HEAD. Add this to the fact that LP has some need to yank my hair at all times so it it constantly in a ponytail.

Am I the only mom on the planet that was caught off-guard by PPHL? And, according to the JobMom blog Post Partum Dental problems are on the horizon as well.