Snark Attack

I will admit up front, this posting is catty and mean. But really, I can't help it.

Yesterday we received a memo in LP's school bag. I was so busy getting dinner ready and playing with LP that I didn't get a chance to read it until the Hoos and I sat down for dinner. Since I didn't want to be rude to him (see, I am just rude to other people), I read it aloud. Below is the note verbatim in italics with our actual commentary in brackets.

Dear Tumble Bugs' parents and teachers:

Next week we will be launching our biggest fundraiser ever. [Hoos: We pay them, right? Why do they need a fundraiser?] The fundraiser not only returns a huge profit, but it is so simple to do and is a win win opportunity. Each family and staff member will receive only ONE scratch off card. [Me, turning the paper over: Did we miss a paragraph - what the hell is she talking about?]

How it works:
Again every family and staff member receive only one card. [Me: I still don't know what she is talking about. But are they really making teachers participate in the fundraiser?!] This card has spaces that will be scratched off and a booklet of coupons. Each sheet of coupon has a value up to $100.00 dollars. [Me: Is this making any sense to you? Also, I want you to note that it says 'dollar sign one zero zero dot zero zero DOLLARS.'; Hoos: People have to give $100?!]

Each person who has the card will have his or her family, friends and/or co-workers scratch off a space. The person who did the scratching will then pay the amount that is revealed. The amount can range from nothing to $3.00. [Hoos: So we just make people scratch off and then force them to pay? That doesn't seem very nice.] In return the person will receive one sheet of coupons (up to $100.00). [Me: So coupons are their reward for scratching? What are these coupons for? Why would anyone want them?]

.....SKIP AHEAD A FEW PARAGRAPHS.....

How we will use the money raised:
The money raised will be used for big-ticket items like listening centers, library furniture, dramatic play furniture and toys (depending on the age group). [Hoos: How about air conditioners or refrigerators that work? Maybe if they put some of the tuition toward that stuff I would be less annoyed about this fundraiser.] We have also decided with money left over we will create financial incentives for the staff to further their education and to further promote employee morale. [Me: I support the idea of rewarding the teachers, but how about getting {the director who wrote this memo} a writing course?]

I am so very excited...

At this point I stopped reading. I was all snarked out. Now I am trying to decide if I should be kind, and offer my "expertise" as a communications professional to aid the center in its memo writing. I am guessing that based on our track record with the director this offer will not be received kindly.

I am embarrassed and a little shocked that this is the caliber of the "administration" at LP's day care. Granted, her teachers are great and they sincerely care about her; and, even more fortunately, she will not be learning to write extensive paragraphs while at this school...but still....