A few years ago as I went to hang up from a phone conversation with my best friend, she said, "You know, if you have to go, you can just tell me. You don't have to pretend to do it for my sake." Upon reflection, I realized she was absolutely right; I would end every conversation saying, "I'll let you go."
I took her criticism to heart. Ever since I have tried to be straightforward and honest when I don't want to do something. I try not to project my feeling on to others when making a decision or turning down an opportunity.
Of course there still are times when the Hoos and I will purposely place blame on one another. For example if we are with his family and I don't want to do something, he will often accept responsibility or vice versa. This also works if he doesn't want to do something and he doesn't want to offend, laying blame on me. We both accept that this is sometimes the best way to keep the peace.
What I really try hard not to do is project blame on my children. If Dee needs to eat and something doesn't jibe with a scheduled activity, I will say so, but if I am not up for participating and it has nothing to do with Dee or LP, I try to act like a grown-up.
I do this in an effort to teach my girls that 1. There is a polite way to turn down an offer or provide an alternative if you aren't happy or want to influence a decision; 2. You need to speak up and take responsibility for your wants and needs; and 3. You need to be careful assigning responsibility because if everyone isn't on the same page, you can and will get caught and hurt feelings will ensue.
You can't please everyone all the time, but at least if you are honest you can help create a solution instead of whining about the result. What say you blog readers? Projecting - a necessary evil or just evil?