27.5 Hours and Counting

It has been almost 30 hours since the Hoos and I saw the girls - very strange!

Last Chanukah my in-laws gave us a gift certificate for a resort in Westchester. It had a 12-month time limit, so we finally used it last night. We dropped the girls (and my car) off a little before noon yesterday. Our first stop was Target to do some holiday shopping followed by a bit more local shopping and lunch out (for those interested we checked out the Fairfield branch of Garden Catering - the chicken nuggets and cones were very good - and kept us pretty full most of the day). We then made a quick stop at home and headed down to Purchase, NY.

After checking in we did (surprise!) more shopping. I am actually really excited about our stop at ToysRUs in White Plains. THEY HAD A TELETUBBY DOLL! I almost cried when I saw it (an aside - I had to throw out the freecycled ones- they definitely needed to go in the washer, but since they had electronic parts and can "talk" it wasn't feasible). I grabbed it and ran over to an employee to ask where I could find more. She looked at my incredulously, "We don't carry those anymore. It must be on clearance...or a return...or something." Bummer.

Since we had such a big lunch, the Hoos and I didn't go out to dinner until 8. Really very late for us. We went to an excellent Italian Restaurant, Il Sogno, in Port Chester where we ate much food. They even gave the Hoos some biscotti for the road.

With full bellies, we needed time to digest and headed to a 9:30 movie. This is unheard of. I usually won't even start watching an hour long show from the DVR after 9:15. We saw Pirate Radio. It was really enjoyable. Funny, different, interesting - highly recommended. All-in-all, a great date night.

Today after a big breakfast (do you sense a food theme here?) we headed home to take advantage of the girls still being at my in-laws. We went grocery shopping together, the Hoos did some work around the house, I walked to Stew's, made turkey soup and biscotti, and did two loads of laundry. Not the most exciting day, but a guilt-free day where I didn't have to worry about having little kids underfoot.

We are going to pick them up soon. Which is good. Because they are cute, and I do miss them. Next year - two nights!

Projecting

A few years ago as I went to hang up from a phone conversation with my best friend, she said, "You know, if you have to go, you can just tell me. You don't have to pretend to do it for my sake." Upon reflection, I realized she was absolutely right; I would end every conversation saying, "I'll let you go."

I took her criticism to heart. Ever since I have tried to be straightforward and honest when I don't want to do something. I try not to project my feeling on to others when making a decision or turning down an opportunity.

Of course there still are times when the Hoos and I will purposely place blame on one another. For example if we are with his family and I don't want to do something, he will often accept responsibility or vice versa. This also works if he doesn't want to do something and he doesn't want to offend, laying blame on me. We both accept that this is sometimes the best way to keep the peace.

What I really try hard not to do is project blame on my children. If Dee needs to eat and something doesn't jibe with a scheduled activity, I will say so, but if I am not up for participating and it has nothing to do with Dee or LP, I try to act like a grown-up.

I do this in an effort to teach my girls that 1. There is a polite way to turn down an offer or provide an alternative if you aren't happy or want to influence a decision; 2. You need to speak up and take responsibility for your wants and needs; and 3. You need to be careful assigning responsibility because if everyone isn't on the same page, you can and will get caught and hurt feelings will ensue.

You can't please everyone all the time, but at least if you are honest you can help create a solution instead of whining about the result. What say you blog readers? Projecting - a necessary evil or just evil?

Minimum Qualifications

After some recent interactions with unpleasant people, I have decided that there needs to be some criteria that people need to meet, consistently, in order to be considered adults:

1. Look people in the eye when having a conversation.
2. Accept responsibility when you are at fault, and even occasionally when you aren't.
3. Treat everyone with respect even if they don't deserve it.
   
4. Acknowledge other contributors in your life (personal and professional).
5. Channel your excess energy into positive activities. (Note "consistently" is not the same as "always")
   
6. Take it if you dish it. I am all about the quick comeback, but if you can't accept someone returning a smart retort, keep your trap shut.
7. Learn to make at least one meal. Even mac and cheese from a box. I once had a roommate that would measure the amount of water for boiling the mac according to the instructions on the box. Even so, at least after 10 minutes she had a meal.
8. Leave it on your plate, even if you don't want it - literally and figuratively. LP is the queen of throwing food that she doesn't want on the floor or at me. Even so, with some of the hot potato passing going on in my office, it is a wonder I don't come home looking like a high school food fight survivor on a daily basis.
   
9. Show some love. A little patience and understand can go a long way sometimes.
   
10. Keep it in your pants. Don't show too much love. Everyone doesn't need to see your goods. Yes, sometimes you need to vent, and as an exception world-wide sharing may be cathartic. But, really, having a few special friends is cool; showing your goods to the entire school, not only whorish, but sad.

This is only the beginning. Whatcha got to add, blog readers?