I Was So Much Older Then, I'm Younger Than That Now.

Earlier this month I entered my late 30s! I love my birthday and I don't mind my age. But I feel like people that were in their "late 30s" twenty years ago were older than I am now. Or more sophisticated. Or something.

When my mom was 35 (a year YOUNGER than I am now), my older brother was bar mitzvahed. And she wore a long suede dress with shoulder pads (it was the 80s). While the style has changed, I don't even think I would know where to BUY this type of formal dress. And I certainly don't think I could pull off wearing one!

I wear jeans. A lot. And t-shirts. From Old Navy. Clearly, I am no fashion plate. And  once my niece asked me to save a hoodie for her "when I was done with it." I remember once, a long time ago, I would outgrow clothes and change out my wardrobe. But now I add to it and get rid of stuff that no longer fits (outgrowing in different directions, sigh...). But "done"? Not so much.

Maybe it is just me and I am an unsophisticated clod? But I don't think so. The picture in this post is from my senior year of high school. It is our class trip to Rocking Horse Ranch, so we aren't dressed up...but have you seen casual high school seniors these days?  Besides the advent of low rise jeans and the extinction of scrunchies, they all look like they are in their early 20s. Easily.

Is it just a function of aging that our parents and our kids both seem "older" than we were at their age? 

Ahh, Innocence

When people ask me how old my kids are and I tell them six and four, a common response is, "What a great age!" I kind of figured people said this about any age with the exception of say the years between 11 and 20. But recently I have found myself agreeing with them AND I think I have even been able to put my finger on a few of the things that make it so:

1. They can communicate. No more guessing about why they are crying or what they want. Of course, now we just have to figure out if they are fake crying or real crying. 
2. Less stuff to lug around. No diaper bad, no strollers taking up trunk space on vacation. And, while I still have to pack lots of entertaining things - at least coloring books and the like are small.
3. The snuggling. Sigh...the snuggling. I love snuggling with my babies. I know this won't last forever;  when LP tells me that I am "the snuggliest" and AK wraps her arms around my neck and showers me with kisses, I try to soak it all in (and not think about the 500 other things I need to be doing).
4. Independent entertainment. LP and AK are finally at the point where I don't constantly worry about them being too quiet when they are alone in a room together. They can both be in the family room, making up their own projects or watching TV and there is only screaming about 10% of the time. Even better, they will wake up on a Sunday morning and just go downstairs together and leave us sleeping. Yesterday I went downstairs and found AK with a bowl of dry frosted mini-wheats and a cup of water, "Look mommy, I got my own cereal! Can you add milk to it?"
5. The ability to listen. Not that they always do listen - selective hearing is, after all, a common trait of children, but LP and AK still ask permission for most things. They don't sneak candy (we still have a mostly full Halloween basket from last October!) and, while they don't always agree with our limits, they at least accept them. This may mean that they sometiems try to push the limits on what is a healthy snack (usually "something from the fridge" is healthy, "something from the pantry" is not; this mean cheez doodles - not healthy, even if they are cheesy. AK and LP don't really agree). 
6. Life without guile. Building on number five, it amazes the Hoos and me that it doesn't occur to the girls to not ask permission. I will likely regret typing this. On a Friday night they may yell down, "Can we have a sleepover!?" when they should already be sleeping. If they just crawled into bed together? The Hoos and I would be none-the-wiser until we went to get ready for bed. 
7. Bathroom stuff. Yay! Love not having to change diapers. They still yell out, "MOOOOOMMM! Will you wipe me!!" but it is better than the alternative. (And yes, we still deal with nightly pull-ups for AK.)
8. They walk! While there is still the occasional request for "Uppy!" from AK, for the most part the girls walk everywhere. No strollers, no clinging. Sometimes I even get them to carry stuff! This is short-lived and I usually end up carrying the sweatshirt, the stuffed animal, the purse - but still, an improvement.

This is not to say that life with a six and four year old is perfect. They still have their moments of moodiness or crankiness. They can be difficult to communicate with and read and understand. But compared to where we were two years ago and certainly four years ago - I think we are just where we are supposed to be.

What do you think it the "perfect age"? 29? 

Two of Us

Friday marks 10 years of wedded bliss with the Hoos. While it doesn't come even close to my parents' 40 years or my grandparents' 65th, it is kind of a big deal.

I won't talk about how we met or where we met or why his blog name is "Hoos". I am betting that most of that is pretty boring to readers of this blog.

Actually, I am not really sure why you keep coming back and reading me, but it isn't likely because you like to hear me blather about my relationship with my husband. It probably also isn't because you like to see cute pictures of my kids. Most of the time it is because you want to know what Les Zombies Et Les Loup-Garous means. 

How about a brief overview of what "married with children" means to most couples (using me and the Hoos as my reference)?

• Openly discussing my gray hair; but not my weight.
• Sharing parenting duties in the way that best suits us.
• Working together and more importantly sticking together as a team when facing off with our children.
• Recognizing that neither of us is perfect, but one of us might have more patience than the other at any given point in time. 
• Accepting that our children are made up of the good and bad of each of us and a stubborn streak or tendency to throw tantrums isn't solely due to the actions of one or the other of us in early childhood. 
• Excusing a poor choice of words or action, because we know it was unintentional. 
• Celebrating each others' successes. Being happy when our kids do something is one thing, but being proud of my spouse and having him be proud of me feels just as good if not better. If I can't do small things - like getting the kids out of bed, dressed and fed without him, than I certainly can't accomplish big things - like switching jobs or taking on more responsibility at work.
• Trying to look forward to each day as an opportunity for a new adventure. 

What does "married with children" mean to you? What have you learned in your marriage that would be a good lesson to me, even 10 years in?

Motoring

Yesterday morning I vaguely remember hearing the ladies chatting amongst themselves while I stayed snuggled in bed. Around 8:45, there was a distant, loud, persistent call, "MOOOOOMMMM CAN YOU OPEN MY YOGURT!" at which point the Hoos turned to me and said, "Are they downstairs?"

After opening the yogurt for AK, giving LP a waffle and taking a shower, I was back downstairs and being dragged outside. "We want to ride our bikes." Instead of watching TV on a Sunday morning? Whose children are these?

It has pain painfully obvious for approximately a year, that LP had outgrown her bike. Her knees were in her face. It was also apparent that the athletic AK was sort of over the tricycle.See above for proof.

After locating the coupon I had received from Discover for $20 off any $100+ purchase at Sports Authority, the answer was clear.

LP is now the proud owner of a new bike (for $95, we got LP a new helmet and an 18" bike, I think this is a pretty good deal). AK is also telling everyone that she got a new bike and now has two helmets (thank you G-d for a little girl who looks at hand-me-downs in this way!).

AK also spent the better part of an hour riding a little bicycle throughout the aisles of Sports Authority while the Hoos and LP selected her bike and helmet. I got to chase AK. The Hoos told me that this does not count as exercise. Jerk.

Now we just have to teach them how to ride. Well, they know how to ride, but they are both really dependent on the training wheels. While both bikes have training wheels, the new goal is to get them to learn how to balance and see the training wheels as a crutch and not a support mechanism for going around turns. Since I was about 11 when I learned how to ride a bike, this will be testing all of my parenting skills and bicycling knowledge.

In addition to spending Sunday on two wheels, we enjoyed part of Saturday on four legs - at the Easton Farm Tour. Easton is one town over from us and about 11 farms opened their gates to the public. Some of them - like Sherwood Farm - are always open to the public and have great farm stands; others - like Gilberties commercial operation and Buttonwood Farm - are usually private. Either way, we had a great time and delivered on the girls' wish for a pony ride. It was AK's first time and only LP's second. LP told me, "Anytime there is a chance for a pony ride - like a birthday party or something - always bring me. Even if we have other plans. Bring me."

An Interesting Turn of Events

Many of you out there may remember this image of LP. It was captured by my friend, DM, several years ago on a school trip to an animal farm. I am sure there are other similar photos of LP floating around out there due to her well-documented love/hate relationship with animals.

You can now add to that collection, these photos.

Friday morning I got an email from a colleague asking if we could dog sit their incredibly sweet yellow lab. After checking with the Hoos, we decided to give it a go.

Not only did we all survive the weekend, we had a great time and the girls did an AWESOME job. Especially LP, as evidenced by the photos above.

Raining in My Heart

This weekend was a much-anticipated family camping trip. It was AK's first camping trip and only LP's second. The last time LP went camping, she couldn't walk.

We went with both of the Hoos' brothers, one of whom has also never been camping. Fortunately, my other brother- and sister-in law are experienced campers and pack enough food, camping supplies and various, but needed, miscellany for all of us.

The three hour ride to Emerald Lake State Park was full of energy, excitement and talk of smores.  To say the girls were excited would be an understatement. While the Hoos and I were both happy to have the day off of work, we were a bit concerned about the doom and gloom talk of thunderstorms and rain clouds. After weeks on end with little if any rain, this weekend was supposed to make up for it.

We need not have worried about Friday night's weather. Or the sleeping. The girls were in heaven. They loved sleeping in the tent, snuggled all together. They both slept until almost 8 on Saturday morning - getting more shuteye than the rest of us combined! And the girls LOVED being able to run in between camp sites, burrowing into their sleeping bags and playing house with their cousins.

Alas, Saturday afternoon, the clouds rolled in.

Let me just say, packing up in a downpour is not fun. Unless you are under the age of seven and you are dry in the car playing on your parents' iPhones.

What is nice is everyone sleeping until 9, in their own bed the day after returning from an abbreviated camping trip.

Also, it is clear is that we need to plan another camping trip soon.Unplugging, snuggling, and eating smores needs to be done more often.

Everyone is Somebody's Baby

I often find myself  in absolute awe of LP and AK. Sometimes for good things - like LP speed-reading a book or AK swimming the length of the pool; and sometimes for bad things - like LP throwing a mind-blowing tantrum or AK spinning like a top while talking incessantly. 

A lot of times I am just plain amazed that the Hoos and I created these wonderful little people. To me, and probably to most parents, it is like I won the lottery. Totally lucking out with two kids that I think are the bee's knees.

Sometimes it will strike me that my parents looked at me the same way once. And then it totally dumbfounds me to think that maybe, just maybe, they still look at me that way?! Whoa, crazy, right? But since I can't imagine that the feeling of accomplishment I get when I look at LP and AK will ever fade, I guess this must be the case.

For the first time in a long time, I spent some time alone with my mom this past weekend. We went out to dinner. Beyond it being really nice to have a meal without a child in my lap or in my ear or even at the table, and beyond the fact that we ate lots and lots of really good sushi at Kotobuki in Hauppauge, it was nice to be able to share some time alone with my mom. We talk several times a week, but being able to make eye contact takes it to a whole new level. And reminds me that my mom loves me for being me, not for being the mother of (some of) her grandchildren. And I love her for being her too.

And, so that my dad doesn't feel left out, next week I am meeting him at Yankee Stadium to watch some baseball.  Again, without my children, or the Hoos. Just me, dad, the Yankees, and a big order of garlic fries from Gordon Biersch.

Nice.

The Fear of Random

If I take my family to the beach, we put on sunscreen to avoid sunburn, we make sure a lifeguard is on duty, the Hoos and I suit up and go in the water with the girls to make sure that we are never more than a few steps away. Basically, we do everything we can to control the situation and make it safe.


We teach them to be diligent, to avoid strangers, to buckle up, to walk away from uncomfortable situations, to listen to their teachers and policemen and firemen in case of an emergency. But there are some things we can't and don't teach them. There is a difference between being vigilant and living in fear. While they aren't quite ready to go to the movies or the mall by themselves, that time will come. (Too soon, I am sure.) And while I can prepare them for the experience, I can't control it.

Unfortunately, what the movie theater shooting in Colorado reminds us is that not every situation can be controlled. No matter how hard I try, there are some things that you can't predict; there are some (actually many, many) times when I can not guarantee the girls' safety. Because I can't be there all the time. And even if I am there all the time, I can't always keep them safe.

Is this scary? Absolutely.

Is this reality? Absolutely.

Is there anything I can do about it? Not really.

What I can do is tell them that I love them every day before I leave the house. And I do.

What if anything are you changing about your behavior or your parenting in response to tragedies like the Aurora shooting? 

I See Your Three Things and Once and Raise You One.

There has been a lot of really interesting discussion lately about the life of a working mom. Well, I am a working mom, and it totally pisses me off that somehow being a mom casts a negative shadow on my ability to accomplish my goals at my job.

It sucks that Marissa had to announce to Yahoo shareholders (and the world) that she was pregnant on the day she achieved what must be the pinnacle of her career. In my angry heart I shout, "IT SHOULDN'T MATTER!" and in my pragmatic head I squeak, "But it does." Not to me, but to all of those people out there that think that new moms are too tired, too distracted, too unfocused to do two things at once.

BULLSHIT is what I say to that.

I have actively participate in conference calls, while nursing AND making dinner.

I can carry on a conversation with my husband, driving to a vacation that I planned, while placating my children with bags of snacks, games, and projects that I packed, and responding to a work related email.

I am not alone in my ability to multi-task. My working mom friends and I can have a fabulous game of one-up-manship to see who has done the most things at once.

It seems that being a working mom has made me hyper-efficient.

It may take me longer to accomplish a single task, but only because I stop to finish four other tasks on my way. (e.g., if i am going upstairs to move the wash to the dryer, I stop and pick up the errant stuffed animal that belongs in AK's bedroom; when I get to AK's bedroom, I stop and pick up some dirty laundry that she left on the floor; when I open the dryer to put the wash in it, I notice the dryer is full; I empty the dryer;FINALLY I put the laundry in the dryer.)

The problem, it seems, is that many (note, I do not say all) men DO NOT have the ability to multi-task. They can only handle one challenge at a time. Okay, maybe they can read and eat breakfast. But most likely only because their wife is feeding the kids, packing their lunches and eating a yogurt in the other room.

Sigh.

Being able to juggle multiple tasks is an invaluable skill. A skill requested in just about every job posting I have ever seen. Why is juggling a full home life and a full time job as effectively as possible (admittedly, nobody's perfect)  not acknowledged as the precious asset that it is?

I Need a Vacation from My Vacation

After a month-long hiatus from this blog, here I am! I am freshly returned to CT from our 2012 family vacation to the Cape and ready to rock. Or take a nap. Or get a pedicure. Or get my hair colored. Or just sit on the couch and read a book without one of my children (most likely AK) laying on top of me.

Family vacations are awesome for a lot of reasons; my top 3 are:

1. All that time alone with your family.
2. You aren't working.
3. You may not have to cook at all (like me).

Family vacations are tiring for a lot of reasons; my top 3 are:

1. All that time alone with your family (I love them, I really do, but 24x7 is a lot of time for a family of four to be together in one room or one car).
   
2. You are constantly working at trying to figure out what to do next. Fortunately, pools, beaches and meal planning fill a lot of gaps.
3. You eat lots of crap and fried stuff.

We had a great time and did a bunch of things we enjoyed from previous trips - like visiting the Heritage Museums and Gardens and kissing the whale at the Optimist Cafe, and walking on the boardwalk at Gray's Beach. We did a bunch of new stuff too - like collecting moon snails and crabs in the tidal flats of Chapin Memorial Beach and mini-golfing.

Now I am back and working on getting motivated. At work, at home, in general...and I decided to procrastinate start with this blog.

Why haven't I been blogging lately? Blame Facebook. It makes it so easy to upload pictures, share a silly story...This blog takes WORK, man. I need a topic, I need time, I need spell check! I have also recently taken up with Twitter. I mostly use it for work, but since I am a working mom, work and life sometimes overlap. And my kids sometimes say funny - or smart - things that actually relate to my work.

So I ask you blog-o-sphere, or regular or random readers - are blogs passe? Should I even bother? Or have you already seen all of my photos on Facebook?