Making It Worse

I have already discussed how LP is well aware of how babies arrive in the world and I thought that would be enough to satisfy her curiosity for a while.

Alas, I was wrong.

It started a few weeks ago as we drove to the dry cleaner (why is it always when we are going to the dry cleaner?):

"Mom? How do babies get INTO your belly?"

"Magic." And then I changed the subject.

A few nights later as I got the girls dressed after their bath:

"Mom? How do babies get in your belly?"

"LP! Come here! I have something to show you," the Hoos called out from the other room, attempting to save me from the inevitable.

Finally, the other night, I relented.

"Mom? How do babies get in your belly?"

"Magic." (Dude, they say on cribs all the time 'this is where the magic happens' isn't that what they mean?!)

"Moooommmm."

"Okay, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much they make a baby."

"But HOW?!"

"Ummm, a little piece of daddy and a little piece of mommy smoosh together and multiply and that makes a baby."

"Oh," she said thoughtfully. I was thankful for the respite, until...

"When I get big I am going to smoosh against someone to make a baby."

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Elephant in the Room

LP: Mommy, nipples are the same thing as boobies. When you have a baby in your belly, your boobies get milk.

Me: You don't get babies in your belly until after you get married.

LP: How does G-d know when you are married so you get a baby in your belly? Does it have something to do with when a mommy and a daddy smoosh together...

Me, yelling out the door: Honey! We're ready for you!

Later on the Hoos admonished me for putting the thought of smooshing into her head. Never mind that I did it SEVEN MONTHS AGO. Under extreme duress.

Seriously, why do I always get stuck having these conversations. And holding them for their flu shots (that will be this Saturday) or taking them to the dentist. Although, admittedly, taking LP to the dentist is a pleasure. We went this morning and she rocked it. No complaints, no noises, nothing. And at least she can't ask me any questions with the hygienist's hands in her mouth.

A True Story

Me, on my daily phone call to my mom: "Mom, you know how you always complain I don't blog anymore? Well, soon I will have something to write about. I am getting toilet paper to review."
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At this point, you would think that most moms would laugh, but you don't know Shel.
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My mom: "Not the kind that doesn't have a roll?!"

Me, dumbfounded: "YES! How did you even know?"

My mom: "I read about it in the newspaper. They are only testing it in certain markets and selling it in certain places, like WalMart and Sam's Club. Dad and I were just talking about it - do you have to store it somewhere special so it doesn't smoosh? You will have to give me a roll when you get it."
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This story has in no way been embellished. It is an excerpt of our exact conversation as I remember it. From a marketing perspective, my mom is the dream customer of Scott toilet tissue.

Speaking of which - anyone else want to test out this TP with me? You too can receive a 12 pack. Just leave a comment telling me who you would most likely talk to about toilet paper. Two readers will be randomly selected to get paper shipped to them.