Snark Attack

I will admit up front, this posting is catty and mean. But really, I can't help it.

Yesterday we received a memo in LP's school bag. I was so busy getting dinner ready and playing with LP that I didn't get a chance to read it until the Hoos and I sat down for dinner. Since I didn't want to be rude to him (see, I am just rude to other people), I read it aloud. Below is the note verbatim in italics with our actual commentary in brackets.

Dear Tumble Bugs' parents and teachers:

Next week we will be launching our biggest fundraiser ever. [Hoos: We pay them, right? Why do they need a fundraiser?] The fundraiser not only returns a huge profit, but it is so simple to do and is a win win opportunity. Each family and staff member will receive only ONE scratch off card. [Me, turning the paper over: Did we miss a paragraph - what the hell is she talking about?]

How it works:
Again every family and staff member receive only one card. [Me: I still don't know what she is talking about. But are they really making teachers participate in the fundraiser?!] This card has spaces that will be scratched off and a booklet of coupons. Each sheet of coupon has a value up to $100.00 dollars. [Me: Is this making any sense to you? Also, I want you to note that it says 'dollar sign one zero zero dot zero zero DOLLARS.'; Hoos: People have to give $100?!]

Each person who has the card will have his or her family, friends and/or co-workers scratch off a space. The person who did the scratching will then pay the amount that is revealed. The amount can range from nothing to $3.00. [Hoos: So we just make people scratch off and then force them to pay? That doesn't seem very nice.] In return the person will receive one sheet of coupons (up to $100.00). [Me: So coupons are their reward for scratching? What are these coupons for? Why would anyone want them?]

.....SKIP AHEAD A FEW PARAGRAPHS.....

How we will use the money raised:
The money raised will be used for big-ticket items like listening centers, library furniture, dramatic play furniture and toys (depending on the age group). [Hoos: How about air conditioners or refrigerators that work? Maybe if they put some of the tuition toward that stuff I would be less annoyed about this fundraiser.] We have also decided with money left over we will create financial incentives for the staff to further their education and to further promote employee morale. [Me: I support the idea of rewarding the teachers, but how about getting {the director who wrote this memo} a writing course?]

I am so very excited...

At this point I stopped reading. I was all snarked out. Now I am trying to decide if I should be kind, and offer my "expertise" as a communications professional to aid the center in its memo writing. I am guessing that based on our track record with the director this offer will not be received kindly.

I am embarrassed and a little shocked that this is the caliber of the "administration" at LP's day care. Granted, her teachers are great and they sincerely care about her; and, even more fortunately, she will not be learning to write extensive paragraphs while at this school...but still....

Ewwww! (I think?)

PLEASE NOTE: THIS BLOG POSTING MAY BE INAPPROPRIATE FOR SOME READERS. E.G., IF YOU ARE RELATED TO ME. IF YOU ARE RELATED TO ME AND STILL READ IT, NO COMMENTS, PLEASE.

Today's NY Times has an article about people remaining sexually active as they get older. Nearly 38% of men and 17% of women over the age of 75 interviewed reported having had sexual contact with another person in the last year.

A few items are of interest here, methinks.

1. Good for them! I would still like to be in this category when I am over 75.
2. Then again, maybe not. Don't parts start to fall off or not feel so great as you get older? I already feel creaky at times and I am not even middle-aged yet.
3. The disparity between the numbers. Who are these guys hitting? Are there 10 women like "Blanche" from the Golden Girls that put out for everyone?
4. Why did they feel the need to add in "with another person"? That just makes it sound sad.

There should be a joke - What is worse than walking in on your parents being intimate? Walking in on your grandparents being intimate. More likely, being the old people getting walked in on.